Time Bomb
by Quiet REBel girl -with VoDKa
Summary: JERSEY SHORE SLASH.  "It was like a time bomb set into motion. And if I have to pull you out of the wreckage, you know I'm never gonna let you let me go."  Alternate Season 5.  Mike crosses a line.  Full Summary/Warnings Inside.  Pauly D/Vinny
1. Time Bomb

**Title:** Time Bomb

**Pairing:** Pauly D/Vinny

**Rating:** Hard M

**Summary:** Alternate Season 5. Pauly and Vinny have returned from Italy relationship intact, and things are better than ever. As they move back into the Shore house with everyone, they plan to keep it that way. But when Mike crosses a line that can't be uncrossed, can things be salvaged, or were they due to crumble from the start?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own shit.

**Author's Note:** So here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for! My 50th fic! Whoo! Lol, I'm kidding, I don't really know if anyone else is as excited about this as I am, but either way, here it is! It's still not quite finished, but I've got a lot done, so I'll be updating (hopefully) pretty regularly. Anyway, this fic means a lot to me because of how in-depth it gets psychologically at some points. It's gonna be a bumpy ride, so hang on, boys and girls. I hope you enjoy. =)

**Warnings:** Violence, rape, emotional trauma, gay sex, much sadness.

_`~From the get-go I knew this was hard to hold  
>Like a crash, the whole thing spun out of control<br>Oh, on a wire, we were dancing  
>Two kids, no consequences.<br>Pull the trigger, without thinking  
>There's only one way down this road.~<em>

Moving back into the Shore house is always a hectic time, but coming back from Italy is almost a relief. Part of Vinny is going to miss being in another country, sure, but mostly, he's just looking forward to coming back to his and Pauly's very private room, in a completely closed, committed relationship for the first time on the Jersey Shore. He's unsure when, exactly, they're going to inform everyone (save Deena) that they're _in_ said relationship, but he knows it's inevitable. Eventually, someone's going to want to know why they're not hooking up with girls, especially since they're at the Shore. Pauly has assured him that whatever happens, they'll come out of it intact, so he's managed to push it to the back of his mind and just focus on being back, having a good time.

And, so far, it's been a blast. They'd gotten re-adjusted to the Shore, and gone to the clubs a few times, and even had a completely drama-free Sunday dinner. Now, it's Thursday night once more, and the house is out enjoying another night at the bars, having the time of their lives. Finally, Vinny thinks, this might be the best summer at the Shore yet, nudging Pauly's knee with his own where he sits on a couch at Karma. Pauly turns to him with a huge grin, opens his mouth as if to say something, but before he gets a sound out, they hear loud yelling across the club. _What is a club night without drama?, _Vinny thinks, rolling his eyes as he and Pauly stand and make their way toward the sound. Of _course_, it's Ron involved in the fight, couldn't just be some nameless punks, and Pauly curses as they get close.

"Man, are you fucking kidding me? We've been home for one week!" he exclaims, and Vinny sighs.

"It's probably leftover rage from Italy." the younger mutters. It makes sense, after all. Ron hadn't ever really gotten a chance to lay his hands on Mike the way they all knew he'd wanted to.

"Well, whatever it is, he needs to cut it out before he gets us thrown out." Pauly replies, moving toward the fight to try an extract their roommate from it.

Vinny freezes, snatching his boyfriend back by his bicep as he notices that someone is beating them to it.

"Shit. It looks like it's gonna be worse than that. Pauly, look." Vinny says hurriedly, pointing at the Seaside police officers that are making their way into the crowd to disperse the fight themselves. The second two of them grab Ron, Vinny feels his stomach sink. This is _just_ what they need right now.

"Oh, _fuck_," Pauly curses even louder, "Wait here."

Then, the DJ is rushing into the fray, following the police officers out the door alongside a hysterical Sammi. Jenni and Roger aren't far behind, Vinny notices, and he lets out a harsh sigh. Wonderful, he thinks. What a way to start the summer. But, Vinny's determined at least to not let the crap ruin _his_ night, so he heads to the bar for another drink. Not ten minutes later, Pauly appears by his side once more, resting a hand on his shoulder to get his attention where he sits at the bar.

"Hey, they took Ron to jail, even though it turns out, it really wasn't his fault." the DJ explains, tone rushed.

"Holy hell, really? Shit." Vinny mutters in response.

"I know. Sam's freaking out, so I'm gonna go with her and Jen to get it straightened out. You want to come with?" Pauly asks, rubbing a discreet hand up and down his boyfriend's arm. Vinny relaxes into it with a slow exhale.

"I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you, Pauly. The absolute _last_ place I want to be on a Thursday night is the Seaside Heights jail with a hysterical Samantha." Vinny informs the older very matter-of-factly. "You can go and have fun with all that if you want. I think I'll kick it here. Nicole and Deena are still around here somewhere, right?"

"Nah, I think they dipped out to go somewhere else a while ago." Pauly replies, and Vinny's face falls. That leaves..."I think Mike's still here though?"

"Oh." is all Vinny can manage.

Pauly almost laughs out loud, the younger can _see_ it.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" the DJ offers, and for a moment, Vinny actually thinks about it. Instead, he shakes his head, meeting his boyfriend's eyes with a light smile.

"Nope. Sorry. Much as I hate to say it, Mike is _still_ better than a drunk, screaming Sammi. I'm gonna have to pass." Vinny says, and there's a second where Pauly thinks the older is actually going to try and stay with him.

"You sure you're good?" Pauly tries again, but Vinny's adament this time, shaking his head again with a laugh.

"I'm sure. Go on! Sam's probably wigging out wondering where you went. She probably thinks they're gonna kill Ron in jail or something." he tells the DJ. Pauly still seems to hesitate, so Vinny looks around before placing a careful hand on his lower back, just to calm him down. "Seriously. I'm fine. I'm just gonna have another drink or two, and then go right home. I'll be back before you are, even. Besides, it's _me_ we're talking about. How much trouble could I possibly get in?"

And Pauly does laugh out loud at this, instantly relaxing.

"You have a point." he finally responds. Then, he looks around, double checking to make sure no one's watching before he drops a quick kiss on the younger's temple. "Alright. I'll see you when I get home, okay?"

Vinny just nods, face bright red, smile intact. He waits until Pauly has completely vanished from sight before flagging down the bartender for another drink. Just a few more, and then he'll head home, he tells himself, just like he told Pauly. No big deal. Right?

**III**

He never should have had this much to drink. Never, ever, he thinks, another wave of nausea coursing through his entire body. He's pretty sure he's never even _been_ this drunk before, literally completely unable to move a single part of his body on his own. He feels so helpless, but more than that, he just feels stupid, standing here propped against a club wall struggling to hold himself upright. He would try and make it to the door, hail a cab and just _get home_, but he can't even really tell where he's at in relation to the entrance, everything coming at him in flashes of light and sound. He's so dizzy. He just wants to sit down, gather his thoughts for a moment, collect himself, but he knows he can't. Not here, not in the floor of Karma (and how ironic, he thinks that this seems to be his own karma for drinking so much in the first place, completely abandoned at the club by the others in favor of attending to Ron's equal intoxicated, but significantly more violent, shenanigans). He lets out a low noise that could almost be constituted as a whine, squeezing his eyes shut tight to try and block out his surroundings for just a minute, just long enough to _breathe_. Suddenly, however, a voice is cutting through the noise, making its way to his ears like a siren song over the ocean waves.

"Vinny!"

Vinny turns carefully toward what he hopes (and he can't believe he's even thinking that) is Mike's voice, his whole body swaying with the effort. Mike is instantly by his side, catching him with a loud, "whoa!" and holding him there. The older laughs, right in his ear, and Vinny feels the wave of embarassment wash over him. When Mike, of all people, is actually entitled to laugh at your level of intoxication, you _know_ there's a problem, he thinks. He stops, though, reconsiders for a moment. The very fact that he's able to think so very clearly should indicate just how intoxicated he _isn't_. But why won't his body just _move_? He heaves out a frustrated sigh, and Mike laughs again, pulling the younger further into his side.

"Alright, kid. You've had enough. Let's get you home." the Situation tells him, and he thinks, _thank God_, for a brief moment before he goes back to feeling like a complete idiot.

To his credit, Mike somehow manages to wrangle Vinny to the exit with no complications. Vinny's impressed, to say the least. Normally, it's the older that they're having to finagle home. It makes him feel even worse, especially as Mike's stride stays steady even as they make their way through the crowds and into a cab. Vinny feels even worse when he can't even seem to hold himself up in a sitting position, instead having to lean on Mike for support even in the cab. He feels his face flush in what he's fairly certain is embarassment, considering how low his head is hung in pure shame, and the fact that he's pretty sure the body temperature rise from the alcohol set in long ago. For the first time in his entire life, he's glad that Mike's here, sure he wouldn't be able to get home otherwise. It's not until the cab starts moving that he really starts to feel uncomfortable.

The forward motion of the vehicle sends Vinny sliding forward the slightest bit as well, and Mike wraps an arm around him, pulling him close to keep him from falling out of the seat entirely. It wouldn't normally be something the younger would object to, grateful to even have someone taking care of him like this in such a bad situation, but out of nowhere, Mike's hand starts moving against his side, rubbing up and down it slowly. Vinny doesn't think anything of it at first, trying to brush it off. Suddenly, though, the older's hand has worked its way slightly under his shirt, right at his belt line, and his fingers have begun rubbing small circles into the skin of his hip. Vinny tries to shift away, but his body won't _fucking_ listen, and he hates it. He couldn't possibly be more relieved when he feels the cab come to a complete stop, Mike moving away to help him out of the SUV instead.

When the older walks him up the stairs and into the house in the most simple, platonic fashion, Vinny pushes the earlier movements aside, convinces himself that it was just Mike being over-liquored and over-friendly. They get inside safely, Mike maneuvering him across the living room with a swift kind of ease that almost makes Vinny second-guess his sobriety. The younger gets increasingly more nervous as Mike completely by-passes the hallway, heading toward the stairs. Vinny does try to push away, now, turns to look Mike in the face.

"Hey, man, what are you doing?" he manages to question sloppily, nervous laugh on the edge of it. "My room's downstairs. You know that."

"Yea, but we're going to _my_ room right now." Mike informs him, smile on his face. Vinny swallows thickly.

"Man, what are you talking about? I just want to go to sleep." Vinny objects, slur evident in his voice.

"You'll go to sleep, in a little bit. We're gonna have a good time first." the older says with a smirk, and Vinny feels a chill run up his spine at the words.

"Mike, seriously, I just want to go to bed. Take me to my room." Vinny demands, trying harder to get away from his roommate.

He succeeds this time, Mike letting him go right as he finally gets enough strength in his arms to push away. The Situation just laughs as the younger falls swiftly onto his bed. Vinny struggles to just make his arms and legs _work, _push himself up and off the bed, but to no avail. He feels himself almost sob as Mike drapes his lanky body over his own. Any other time, Vinny's more than sure he could not only fight Mike off, but beat him within an inch of his life for good measure. Now, though, the older man kissing his way down his neck, hands on his hips, he can't even move, too much liquor swirling in his system. He hates himself for it, the harshest wave of nausea yet crashing into him as the reality of what's going on sinks in. He twists his eyes shut tight, his breathing quickening.

"Mike, please, stop. You-you don't know what you're doing. You're just really drunk, dude." Vinny tries desperately to reason with him, and he wants to cry at the way it's increasingly difficult to form words with each passing second.

Mike chuckles, running a hand under his shirt that he wants so desperately to squirm away from. He can't believe his body is rejecting him like this. He is thankful that it's still nearly impossible to see, his vision completely blurred. He's not sure if he could handle watching what's going to happen as well. He can feel his whole body trembling from the sheer amount of mental anguish he's befalling, his breathing quickening even further as the shock begins to set in that _holy shit_, this is real life right now. And it's not as if anyone is going to even come home in time to help him, he thinks bitterly, Sam, Jenni, and Pauly too busy dealing with Ronnie getting arrested and Nicole and Deena too busy trying to get even more smashed than he apparently is. At the thought of Pauly, he makes one last ditch effort.

"Mike, _please_, you have to stop. I-I can't, I'm with _Pauly_, Mike, and I _love_ him, so I can't, I can't cheat on him like this." And Vinny can't believe that he's admitting that to Mike before he even admits it to Pauly, but he can't help it, too desperate to just make it all _stop_. It doesn't, though, Mike ridding him of his clothes even as he speaks. He takes in another trembling breath, the words slipping out as almost a whimper. "Mike, s-seriously, I love Pauly, a lot, s-so you, you have to _stop, please_. I-I don't _want_ this, Mike."

Suddenly, he feels Mike's hands on him in places he's never let the older touch him before, body pressing into him firmly, almost sealing him to the bed. Mike's voice, hot on his ear, makes him want to vomit once more.

"C'mon, Vin, relax. I'm gonna make you feel like Pauly never could." the Situation whispers.

Vinny only has to wait a moment before he realizes that the older's words aren't an offer, but a promise, in all the worst possible ways. Then, the pain is too much, taking over his every thought process. Mike's right, he thinks, because Pauly would _never_ hurt him like this. All he can do is wait until it's all over. He's not sure how much time passes before Mike's had his fill, the whole thing going by in an inebriated blur. The next thing he's consciously aware of is Mike wiping him off, slipping his boxers back on, and gathering his clothes, walking him back down the stairs to his room. He wants to throw himself down the stairs for a moment as they descend them, end the whole thing here and now before the shock wears off and the brutal reality sets in. Mike gets him all the way into the bedroom, though, sliding him delicately into the bed, as if he hadn't just been manhandling him mere moments before. Vinny wants to cry, but he doubts he has any tears left. Mike goes so far as to tuck him in, folding his clothes and putting them in their respective piles. He stops by Vinny's bed on his way out the door, leaning down into the younger's personal space once more. Vinny flinches away successfully this time, thinking to himself, _of all the times for the alcohol to wear off_. Mike just smiles at him.

"I had a good time tonight, Vinny, baby. We'll have to do it again sometime." the older mutters, kissing him on the cheek. Vinny blanches, barely restraining himself from throwing up in the bed.

With that, Mike straightens back up, waltzing out the door and shutting it behind him. Vinny doesn't even move, just tries to force himself to block out the entire evening, just go to sleep. He does a good enough job faking it that when Pauly comes tip-toeing in a little while later, the DJ doesn't even notice that he's still awake, even as he leans down and drops a kiss of his own on Vinny's cheek. The younger has to make an actual effort to not whimper at that, especially when Pauly mutters a soft "_buonanotte_" against his temple before backing off entirely to get ready for bed himself. He spends the rest of the night in a fitful half-awakened state, images from earlier dancing across his eyes every time they're closed for too long. He finally manages to get up in the middle of the night and take the longest, hottest shower of his _life_, just to try and rid himself of the feeling of Mike's hands all the fuck over him. It helps the slightest bit, and he drags himself back to bed, exhausted.

As he drops back to the mattress, he lets out a sigh. He has no idea what to do. He certainly doesn't want to own up to it, especially when it's largely his own fault for being so damn drunk in the first place. And admitting it to Pauly? Yea, _that'll_ go great. At the same time, Mike...he can't even think it, can't stomach it at all. Either way, everyone has a right to know. The fucker can't just _stay_ there with them, not after this. They have _girls_ living there, and if he'll sink to this level, god knows what else he'd do. Suddenly, though, Pauly shifts in the other bed, turns to face Vinny's general direction, and the sound of the movement jerks the kid out of his thoughts. Vinny's eyes land on him solidly, lock on tight. It's like his decision has been made for him. He can't tell Pauly. He can't tell _anyone_. He just can't.


	2. Breaking Inside

**Chapter:** 2: Breaking Inside

**Author's Note:** Okay, this is a couple days late, I know, and I formally apologize. This week has been a little hectic. I'm just gonna go ahead and let you all know it's gonna get pretty rough sailing from here, so hold on, and at any point, feel free to abandon ship. Haha. I won't be offended. Either way, hope you enjoy, even when it hurts. =)

_~Cigarette in my hand,  
>Hope you all understand<em>

_I don't wanna live,  
>To waste another day<br>Underneath the shadow of mistakes I've made  
>Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside~<em>

The next morning, though, it really is as if nothing happened. No one is paying him the slightest bit of attention, too wrapped up in the fact that they had apparently been unable to get Ron out of jail, the beating he'd given the kid evidently too bad. For the most part, Vinny's relieved, going about his business as normally as possible. Part of him wants to scream at Mike when the older walks into the room, yell and throw things and let everyone know just how fucked up he is. He buries it, though, ignores it as best he can (and if he's slightly jumpier than normal, if he sticks a little bit closer to Pauly, well. He just feels like shit from all the liquor). He's still sore, however, a sharp pain that shoots all the way up his spine with every movement, and that he _can't_ ignore. It's especially painful when he sits down on the hard seat at the breakfast table, and he has to fight back a wince, lowering himself onto it slowly. The only person who seems to notice is Mike, and his face colors in shame with the Situation sends him an almost mocking smirk.

Vinny couldn't be more relieved that he doesn't have to work with Mike that morning, but when he realizes that Pauly does, he wants to throw up once again. The relief he'd felt at the opportunity to forget everything and try and sleep off the night before a bit more is gone, replaced with a fear that lingers all day that Mike is going to spill everything, divulge all the secrets to Pauly at work with his own twisted spin on it, and he'll be single before the day is out. The fears are evidently unfounded, Vinny realizes as he hears Pauly rush into the bedroom later on, slamming the door and locking it.

"Thank God," the older exclaims, dropping his things unceremoniously and practically tackling Vinny on the bed, straddling his hips and taking his face in his hands. "Everyone's gonna be gone for _at least_ half an hour. I haven't gotten off since yesterday, and I wanna see you naked, right now."

And Vinny thinks that normally, instinct would tell him that he should be nervous about this encounter, shy away from his boyfriend's touch. But, as Pauly pulls him up into a deep kiss, he finds himself doing the complete opposite and leaning further into it, encouraging Pauly to explore his mouth as he tugs at his jeans. The DJ does, indeed, get him naked, and Vinny wonders if he's supposed to try and hide from the older, but instead, he winds up stroking at his own erection almost seductively, biting at his lower lip as Pauly examines him closely. Pauly shoots him a wicked smile, pulling off the rest of his own clothes and actually tossing them carelessly in the floor. Vinny's eyes do widen at this, but suddenly, the older is descending upon him, crawling up the bed to hover over him and all he can think about is _this_, right here.

"You sexy fucking thing, you." Pauly growls right before snatching up his lips in a dirty kiss once again, taking his cock in his hand and stroking it a few times quickly.

They trade sloppy handjobs and messy kisses, cum mixing on Vinny's stomach when they get off, and Pauly collapses unceremoniously onto him, getting covered in it as well, his usual habit, and it really is like last night _never happened_. Pauly even goes so far as to clean them up with one of his expensive shirts before lying back on him, kissing him slowly, softly. Just as the older suggests a shared shower, they hear the girls come barging in the front door, and Pauly rolls his eyes, lets out an almost feminine sigh.

"Guess not, then." he grumbles, pushing himself up off his boyfriend and offering the younger a hand to help him up. "You want first?"

"Nah. God knows you take longer getting ready." Vinny fires back, smile set on his face as he pulls on his boxers and jeans again.

Pauly shoves at him, but Vinny catches his arm, pulling him back close in a hug. Pauly takes the opportunity and kisses his forehead. Vinny smiles. As he watches Pauly saunter from the room, towel wrapped around his waist already, he can't help but feel like _nothing happened_. When they manage to have sex later, quiet as possible in the middle of the night, Vinny doesn't have so much as a flashback, too lost in the feeling of his boyfriend. When he falls asleep, he doesn't have a single nightmare (unless you count the three times he awakens to the feeling of _hands_ , all over him, in places they shouldn't be, but he doesn't, so). The next few days continue on much the same way, Mike shooting him creepy looks every once in a while that he dodges as best he can, but other than that, it's business as usual. Vinny really thinks he might be able to ignore the whole incident, block it out and put it behind him like everything's exactly the same. Then, he gets sick.

**III**

It's not that bad at first, just some sniffles here and there, a little bit of coughing. When he starts running a fever, he begins to get a little concerned, Pauly telling him he should probably go to the doctor, get things checked out. He shrugs it off, though, sure it's just a cold that will work its way out. Then comes the day when he goes to the bathroom, and it burns. He fights the tears in his eyes. This can't be happening, he thinks. Not now, not when he was really able to convince himself he could ignore it all. He pushes his palms into his hands, walking into the bedroom with a shaky sigh. It seems as though he has no other choice now, he _has_ to go to the doctor. He schedules the appointment for the next day, when he knows Pauly will be at work, and tells the older it's the only time he could get. The DJ tries to talk him into letting him take the time off work, come with him, but Vinny won't hear of it, insists instead on going alone. He's not entirely sure he could handle Pauly being by his side as they poke and prod him, especially not for this.

Explaining all of his symptoms at the doctor's office makes him feel even more ill than before, especially when he gets to the burning urination. The nurse gives him a long, hard look when he says it, and he's pretty sure he knows _exactly_ what she's thinking as she marks down something in the notes. Vinny suddenly feels even more ashamed than ever, ducking his own head down to hide his reddening face. He hates that he can't decide which is worse, what she _thinks_ happened, or what _actually_ happened. Part of him thinks he'd _prefer_ to have gotten sick sleeping around. Either way, it makes him unable to meet her eyes as she takes all the necessary information from him. Then, she's gone, telling him the doctor will be in shortly and giving him one more disapproving look on the way out the door. It feels like hours as he waits for the doctor to come seal his fate, his hands growing unnervingly clammy as the seconds tick by into even longer minutes. Really, though, it's possibly one of the shortest waits Vinny's ever had at what is essentially a Health Department, short enough that it catches Vinny off-guard when the doctor enters the room.

"Hey there, Vinny, I'm Dr. Hughes. What's goin' on with you today?" the smiling doctor asks, offering Vinny his hand.

And yea, the guy seems nice enough, but that certainly make it any easier to re-list his symptoms, nor does it make him feel any better about all the examining that the man does. Vinny's more uncomfortable than ever as the doctor and the nurse each take their turn checking him out, taking samples, looking over what seems like every square inch of him. He can't look at either of them, feels totally naked right there in front of them. Finally, though, it's over, and the doctor comes back in to give him his chart to take to the front.

"Well, we'll be calling you in a few days with the results, and then you can come back and pick up your perscriptions, alright?" Dr. Hughes says, and Vinny feels himself pale.

"Wait, what? You can't just tell me what's wrong right now? But you did all those tests..." Vinny trails off, his voice slipping away from him like his sliver of hope that this is a common cold.

"Yes, but this is just a basic clinic. We don't have the machines to run all of those samples, so we have to send some of them out." the doctor explains.

"Oh." Vinny squeaks, voice terribly small.

"Mhmm. So, you'll be hearing from us soon. Okay?" Dr. Hughes questions with a soft smile.

"Yea. Sure." the kid manages before taking his chart and shuffling slowly out the door.

He feels as if he's on autopilot as he signs himself out, heads back to the car. Thoughts are twisting and turning in his head. He'd been fully prepared, after everything was said and done, to finally relax and forget how paranoid he'd been in the first place. Now he has to wait for any potential form of relief? It's not fair. He can't bring himself to start the ignition once he gets back in the SUV, sitting in the driver's seat and staring straight ahead as he tries to process everything. He feels sick, despite that he hasn't even eaten today. Or yesterday. Or the day before that, if he really thinks about it. As if on cue, his stomach rumbles, snapping him back to reality. He shakes his head before starting the car, almost trying to rattle the thoughts right out.

He must zone out during the drive back to the house, for the next thing he knows, he's pulling up outside. Deena and Sammi are lounging in the living room when he walks in, and both of them instantly look up to greet him. He holds his breath as he steps further into the house, praying hard that neither of them will say anything. Of course, though, Deena can't possibly keep her mouth shut around her BFF, so she's on her feet almost immediately, walking over to examine him nearly as much as the doctor did. He backs away a step, curling in on himself the slightest bit away from her.

"How'd the doctor go? Are you alright?" she asks all in one breath, running her hands over his arms anyway.

"They'll call and let me know in a few days, I don't know yet! Geez, back off!" he half-snaps, and her eyes grow wide, her hands stilling.

They stand there for a beat, staring shocked at each other, totally frozen in the moment. Vinny's pretty sure he's as shocked as Deena is. He's never yelled at the girl like that. He ducks his head down suddenly and tries to shuffle away from her, but then he catches Sam's stunned gaze, and her mouth opens, too. He feels his empty stomach drop as she begins to speak.

"Woah, Vin. Where did that come from?" she questions.

He lets out a harsh breath, almost stomping as he makes his way to his room.

"Nothing. I'm just tired of being interrogated today. Fuck, I gotta go work out of something." he breathes out, head swimming. Right as he reaches the hall, though, he stops, reconsiders. He turns slowly toward Deena, meeting her eyes again as he re-crosses the room. "Actually, could I get a cigarette?"

Still shell-shocked from earlier, Deena simply nods, eyes opening the slightest bit more. She pulls out her pack, offering him one timidly. He takes it with a shaky hand, gives her a quiet thanks before turning to walk away. He pauses, though, turning back to face her and pulling her close, muttering a quick apology and pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. Then, he heads outside, leaving her stunned in his wake. Thank God, there's already a lighter on the table upstairs, so he doesn't have to walk-of-shame his way back inside again. Instead, he sits down and lights up. The second he inhales, he almost has to Tebow right there on the roof, coughing violently. He'd forgotten how harsh this shit was, his single cigarette he'd ever smoked having been so damned long ago. But still, he could never shake the feeling he'd gotten from it, the same feeling he's getting right now, nicotine coursing through his veins and calming him slowly. He does sit down now, dropping roughly to the couch as his breathing evens out. He inhales again, letting the smoke drift around his face when he exhales. As it fills his lungs, fills his body, he feels himself finally relaxing, mind clearing out until the only thing there is the cigarette between his fingers. He drops his head back to the back of the couch and just thinks, _thank God_.

Which is exactly how Pauly finds him, cigarette almost gone. The older stares at him in complete shock for a moment, opening his mouth like he's going to say something, too. Vinny thinks he must have the best boyfriend in the world, however, when Pauly just walks over and sits down next to him without saying a word. Instead, the DJ wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him close, pressing a kiss to his temple. The upset feeling from earlier crawls back into his stomach, and he lets out a shaky breath, dropping his head to Pauly's shoulder. He knows his boyfriend thinks he's just stressed because he's sick, and he wishes more than anything that he could reassure Pauly that that's true. He can't though, not yet. Not for a few more days. He scoots in closer to his boyfriend, inhales his cigarette again in an effort to calm himself once more. As much as he hates it, all he can do now is wait.


	3. Iridescent

**Chapter:** 3: Iridescent

**Author's Note:** Oh, look, I have something finished on time for once! As far as everyone hoping this is going to get happy anytime soon, I apologize in advance. This is a really dark story, and it deals with really dark material, so it's going to stay pretty fucked up for a little bit. No one can be expected to heal immediately, and everyone, including Vinny, is about to find out just how difficult of a healing process this is. But! I am terrible at sad endings, so trust that it WILL get happy again soon. Just, yknow. Not yet. Haha. Anyway, hope you enjoy. =)

_~When you were standing in the wake of devestation  
>When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown<br>With the cataclysm raining down,  
>Insides crying, "save me now",<br>You were there impossibly alone~_

The days seem to stretch on forever, seconds ticking by as hours as Vinny anxiously awaits the phone call that will seal his fate. The whole time, he can hardly sleep. When he does manage, it's restless, and he tosses and turns all night. He knows Pauly has to notice something, but the DJ still hasn't pushed, waiting for Vinny to come around on his own. It makes him feel even worse, because there's just no way he can bring himself to voice his thoughts, especially not to his boyfriend. Not yet. Not until he _knows something_. So, he waits, staring at the phone as often as he can, willing it to ring.

When it finally does a few days later, it almost catches him off-guard. He and Jenni are the only ones home, Pauly at work with Mike and D, and he's actually the one who answers the phone, thank _God_. He'd been terrified that someone else would answer and ask for the results for him, thinking it'd be easier for someone he knows to tell him what's wrong. He knows his roommates care about him, but this is one particular instance that he'd rather they not even find out about. He answers the phone timidly, a waver to his voice.

"H-hello?"

"Hi, is this Vinny I'm speaking with?" the lady on the other end questions, and he responds in the affirmative. "Could you verify your birthday for me?"

And Vinny does, anxiety taking over his whole being slowly. She tells him that his test results have come in, and, swallowing thickly, he asks her about them. He's pretty sure he's never been as terrified as he is when she asks if he's sitting down.

**III**

_"Chlamydia."_

The word rings out viciously over and over again in Vinny's head. He rocks back and forth on the bed just a bit, face in his hands. If his hair were longer, he knows he'd be tugging at it. He rakes his fingernails through what's there instead, tries to distract himself for a moment. When it doesn't work, his breathing quickens even more. His mind has been on overdrive since the moment he'd hung up the phone, stumbled down the hall to the bathroom to dry heave since he hasn't even been able to _think_ about food for the last week. Somehow, he'd managed to make it back to the bedroom, which is where he sits now, half curled up on the side of the bed. He thinks he's in shock, the way he can't seem to feel any part of his body at all. Some sick part of him hopes that Pauly really did cheat on him, fucked some stupid Jersey Skank, as Snooks would call them. It's significantly better than the alternative, considering the only other place he could have gotten it is...

Vinny shakes his head. He can't even think about it. Especially since that fucker is actually in the _house_...Fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be), he doesn't really have much time to really think about any of that, because suddenly, Pauly is walking through their bedroom door, and he's turning to face his boyfriend with an almost distraught look. The older stops short, his expression turning to one of worry, and Vinny fights the urge to duck his head away in shame. He coughs to clear his throat enough to speak.

"Hey. C-can you, uh. Shut the door? Please?" he asks quietly.

Pauly's brow furrows, and now he does turn his eyes to the floor. Pauly obliges, however, shutting the door before stepping further into the room. Vinny can hardly bring himself to look up as his boyfriend drops down next to him on the bed. Of course, though, Pauly's got to be the ever supportive lover, reaching out and rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. Vinny almost sobs. He chokes it down, manages to turn back to the older once again.

"What's up, babe?" Pauly asks, worry in his tone. Vinny takes a deep, steadying breath, meeting Pauly's eyes nervously.

"So, the doctor called." he says, voice soft. Telling his parents he's gay wasn't this hard. Introducing Pauly to his entire Italian family as his boyfriend wasn't this hard, he thinks, his fists clenching and unclenching with sheer nerves. He hopes Pauly doesn't notice, but something tells the boy that he does.

"Oh yea? What'd he have to say?" Pauly urges him on, voice making him jump as it yanks him back to reality. He swallows thickly, trudging on.

"I, uh. I-I have." Vinny tries, but his voice dies off. He can't even finish the thought. He hates this, this complete lack of control over his own emotions. Still, he can't _not_ tell Pauly. The DJ has to get tested, too, after all. When he continues, however, his voice is shaky. "I have chlamydia."

Pauly's face somehow pales through his tan. Vinny instantly feels sick.

"Wh-what?" Pauly barely breathes. "Where did you get...get chl-...get _that_?"

It's almost like he can't even say it. Vinny feels the shadow fall over his face.

"I got it from Mike." Vinny replies almost robotically, honest-to-God fear in his voice to match the tears beginning to fill his eyes.

"Excuse me? _Mike_?" Pauly asks, like he can't even fathom it. Then, he demands, almost all in one breath, with an almost hysterically angry edge beginning to seep into his tone, "Vinny, what are you saying to me right now?"

"Pauly, please, let me explain." Vinny rushes out before Pauly even has a full opportunity to doubt him. Pauly opens his mouth like he's going to object, but no sound comes out. Vinny beats the older to the punch once more, desperation ringing in his tone and clear on his face. "Please."

After several long, silent moments, Pauly says quietly, sternly, "You have one chance."

Vinny nods quickly. It may be hard to tell his boyfriend exactly what happened, but it would definitely be harder to lose him, so Vinny figures he'll do whatever it takes. He takes a deeper breath than before, struggling to find the words. He flounders, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tries to figure out exactly how to explain this entire mess. Eventually, he closes his eyes, finding it significantly easier if he's not looking at his significant other to voice everything.

"So, you remember a couple of weeks ago when Ronnie got in that fight at the club, right? And you went with Sam and Jenni to get him out of jail?" Vinny starts, figuring the best place to begin is, essentially, the beginning. He opens his eyes just in time to catch Pauly's slow nod. "Okay, well. You remember I got really trashed that night, right?"

At Pauly's second nod, Vinny has to close his eyes again, breathe for a few quiet moments before he can even bring himself to finish. When he does, he just _knows_ his voice has a tremble to it.

"Well, ah. M-Mike. He..." Vinny trails off, swallows again. Hands down, this is the single most difficult thing he's ever had to do, by far, he _knows_. He has to, though, he reminds himself, can't lose Pauly. Not on top of everything. He forces himself to finish, still unable to meet his boyfriend's gaze. "He helped me home from the club, because by the time we left, I couldn't stand up straight. But then we got home, and th-the next thing I know, he's walking me up the stairs. And I tell him, I'm like, 'hey man, my room is downstairs,' right? But he just kinda laughs, and he tells me it's not big deal, that we're gonna have a good time in _his_ room."

Vinny feels the nausea beginning to well up again in his throat, tears filling his eyes against his will. He holds them at bay as best he can, forces himself to continue despite Pauly's almost scrutinous gaze.

"A-and I told him no, Pauly, I swear to _God_ I did. I-I told him I'm with you, even! But he, he just...he didn't _listen_ to me, a-and I was so fucking smashed I couldn't even sit _up_, and he-he just...he..._fuck!_" Vinny exclaims, turning completely away from Pauly and pressing his palms tight to his eyes, trying desperately to keep the tears in. He takes a few long minutes to simply breathe, try and get his emotions under control before he can even finish. It doesn't work, though, his breaths coming in quick, panicked gasps. He can't tell if he's sobbing or hyperventilating, just stammers out, "He just held me down and fucked me anyway. And after he, after he was done, he just walked me back downstairs, put me in bed, and kissed me on the fucking cheek, like nothing had even happened. He fucking _laughed_ when he was walking out of the room, like he h-had just fucked some _bar slut_ o-or something. And now I-I have this, this fucking_ disease_, and I just...god_dammit_!"

Once he gets started, Vinny can't seem to stop, the words pouring from his lips like liquor into a shot glass, spilling everywhere until they overflow and the room can't even contain them anymore, it seems. He slumps forward, burying his face in his hands once more, a last ditch effort to keep from outright sobbing. It somehow works, Vinny managing to hold his tears back for a few more long moments as his breathing eventually slows down a bit. Finally, he wipes at his face, turning back to Pauly with still-wet eyes. He wants to vomit once more when he catches sight of his boyfriend's wide-eyed, shocked expression.

"Pauly, I'm so, _so_ sorry. I never should have gotten so drunk, I know, and I just...I'm _sorry_." he continues, voice even more shaky than before.

Pauly's face changes from shocked to completely stoic as Vinny speaks, and it makes him nervous, especially when the older remains silent for several long minutes. Vinny has no idea what to think. He's not sure if Pauly even believes him, or if the older thinks it's some kind of excuse to cover up what really happened, how he really got sick. Somehow, though, Vinny _knows_ that Pauly knows he wouldn't lie about something like this. Still, as the silence stretches on, the younger grows more and more terrified, heart dropping into his stomach. Eventually, the quiet becomes too much, Pauly's facial expression remaining unchanging, and Vinny can't even help it, has to break through it all.

"Pauly? Say something, please. Anything."

Pauly seems to snap to attention, as if he'd been lost in his own thoughts for a moment, and he focuses back completely on Vinny once more. Vinny watches Pauly's eyes, takes in the way it looks like a million different emotions flash across them at once before they're locking onto Vinny's tightly.

"Mike?" Pauly finally questions, voice hoarse, like it's difficult for him to even say the name. Vinny understands, nodding before he can even respond vocally. He manages, though, voice just as rough.

"Yea." he says, hanging his head in shame, but darting his eyes up every handfull of seconds to glance at his boyfriend.

The older nods slowly, as if he has to process it fully. After a moment, it seems to have sunken in, for Pauly slaps his hands down hard onto his thighs, rubs them up and down his legs quickly a few times before standing up. Vinny stares at him in confusion as he exits the room, making his way towards the main area of the house. He stands to follow his boyfriend slowly, confused as to what Pauly could possibly be doing. Part of him is terrified that Pauly is going to leave him, is only leaving the room to call someone to come and get him. Suddenly, though, he hears Pauly's voice calling Mike's name, as if nothing is wrong, and he pushes himself to rush faster, a chill shooting down his spine. He reaches the living room just as everything explodes.

Mike doesn't even see it coming. Pauly's swinging the second Mike is in his line of vision, his fist connecting with the younger's temple hard, right as he enters the living room from the kitchen. It makes Mike cry out, falling instantly toward the floor, completely rocked by the punch. Pauly catches him before he can hit the floor, snatching him by the shirt right out of mid-air and throwing him into the wall.

"What the fuck?" Mike squawks, raising his hands to shield his face.

"You sack of _shit_." Pauly spits at him, glaring more angrily than Vinny thinks he's ever seen him.

Pauly knees Mike solidly right in the stomach, following it quickly with a swift fist to the younger's gut. When Mike makes a loud noise of pain, folding in half, Pauly takes advantage, hitting him in the face over and over. Vinny's in shock, mouth and eyes open wide as he watches his boyfriend unleash all of his fury upon the Situation. Mike tries his hardest to raise his arms, protect his head as the older beats it from side to side, but he can't seem to. Luckily for Mike, Pauly eventually misses when the younger slumps down a bit more than he anticipated, and Mike takes his chance, shoves Pauly and makes a run for it. Unluckily, he's too dazed to get very far before Pauly is colliding with him, tackling him to the floor. Mike tries to crawl away, but Pauly just grabs a handful of hair and slams his face into the ground once before pulling the younger back to him. The Situation rolls over like he's going to push Pauly off, but the DJ doesn't let him, punching him one good time right in the eye just as he gets his hands up. Mike's arms fall limp at his sides, but Pauly doesn't stop, punching him again, hard.

"You sick fucker! I motherfucking _trusted_ you, and you do this to him? To _him_?" Pauly snarls through gritted teeth.

Vinny can't move. He's rooted to the spot by the image of Pauly punching Mike again, despite that the younger has stopped fighting back. Pauly's got tears streaming down his face, he's so mad, a fire in his eyes like Vinny's never seen. He brings a hand to his face, covers his mouth since he can't seem to close it. Suddenly, Jenni's rushing into the room, screaming, but it's muffled over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears.

"What the fuck is going on here?" she exclaims, hurrying over and making to grab at the still-swinging Pauly. "Pauly, stop!"

The DJ ignores her, though, an elbow almost catching her as she tries to step in anyway. She calls to Vinny, _do something_, and he finally snaps back to reality enough to call his boyfriend's name, make his way further into the room. Thankfully for Mike, the few lingering camermen who noticed the commotion are quick now that they've realized something's going on, moving to tug the older off of him. It takes four of them, and Jenni lingering by his side, to finally restrain Pauly, and even that's just barely. Mike's completely out of it, but still conscious, and the second Pauly sees that, he's struggling against the men once more, especially as the Situation begins to sit up a bit.

"Let me go!" he cries out, trying to yank his arms free as Mike makes a visible effort to clear his head.

"Pauly, no! You almost killed him!" Jenni tells him, perhaps in an effort to calm him down. It doesn't work, though, Pauly stilling himself for only a moment, long enough to turn and look at Jenni with an almost murderous look in his eyes.

"Then I'm not fucking done yet." Pauly growls. Then, Mike groans, and Pauly's attention is back on the Situation once more. He pulls hard against the men holding him back, more desperate than before. "You hear that, asshole? I'm gonna fucking _kill_ you! What the fuck is your problem, huh? What gives you the right to think you could _ever_ lay your nasty fuckin' hands on him like that? I _love_ him, you _sick fuck!_"

Vinny almost chokes, dropping against the wall next to him to even remain standing. His eyes are wider than before, and he feels a tremble working its way up his legs. He can't believe it. Pauly's never even hinted at his feelings running this deep, Vinny still considering it a vast accomplishment that he's even managed to get the DJ into a relationship. To hear it now, especially under these circumstances, is almost overwhelming. It's shocking, to say the least. He hates that he doesn't even fully get a chance to think about it, for the next thing they know, Mike, the idiot, is actually chuckling as he steadies himself in a sitting position, wipes at his still-bleeding nose. Then, he turns and locks eyes with Pauly, patented smirk set in place.

"You ever think maybe he wanted it?" the Situation slurs out.

Vinny's pretty sure Mike has a death wish. The words are enough to send an extra surge of adrenaline through the older's body, and Pauly propels himself forward and out of the cameramen's hands. The DJ actually gets a little bit of a wind-up before kicking Mike square in the face, hard. The younger drops instantly, unconscious, and there's suddenly five pairs of hands on Pauly this time, dragging him back across the room. Jenni hurries over and drops down next to Mike, makes certain he's still breathing before glaring at the lone unoccupied cameraman.

"What are you standing around for? Get him the fuck out of here before Pauly winds up in prison!" she snaps, and the cameraman jumps to attention, helping her grab him.

Vinny's by his boyfriend's side in a heartbeat this time, hands grabbing at his arm. He manages to say Pauly's name, and finally, the older stops struggling completely, turns to his boyfriend hurriedly and taking the younger in his arms. Vinny's too shocked to hug back, just lets Pauly almost squeeze him. He can feel Pauly shaking around him, and it makes him feel terrible. The cameramen back away, the threat of Pauly lashing back out now apparently evaporated, and make their way out of the room, presumably to go check on Mike. The second Pauly's certain they're alone, he pulls back just enough to take Vinny's shoulder's in his hands, kiss him desperately. Vinny's hands come to rest on his boyfriend's forearms, relaxing into the kiss. It only lasts a moment before Pauly's breaking off, looking into the younger's eyes.

"Shit, Vin, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone with that prick." Pauly says softly. He takes a step back, running a hand up and down the back of his head in an effort to distract himself, calm himself as he begins to almost pace. "I _knew_ something was up, I just had no idea that he'd...fuck."

He turns back to Vinny, taking his face in his hands and kissing him soundly once more. He runs his thumbs over the boy's cheeks when they part.

"I'm sorry. I just..." he whispers.

It suddenly seems like Pauly's overwhelmed, gasping for breaths much the way Vinny had been earlier. Vinny jumps, startled as he watches Pauly run rough fingers right through his blowout. Then, the DJ's exiting the room, heading back down the hallway to their bedroom. Vinny turns to follow him, Pauly's name on his lips, but Jenni's voice stops him.

"Holy shit. Mike's on his way to the hospital. Pauly really fucked him up." she says, shock and disbelief in her voice. She turns to Vinny with an outright worried look. "What the hell was that all about? I've never seen Pauly like that in my life."

Vinny ducks his eyes away. Normally, Jenni is one of the easiest people for him to talk to. But about this? He'd only told Pauly because he'd had no other choice. But, he figures, he really doesn't have another choice now, either. Mike's in the hospital; everyone's going to have to know why. He takes a deep breath, finally turns back to meet her eyes with his own sad ones.

"Mike raped me." he mutters, voice barely loud enough for her to hear. She gasps out loud anyway, covering her mouth with her hand. The word makes him want to vomit, even now. Still, he has to acknowledge it for what it is. The next part is easier to say to her than it was to say to Pauly. There's a big difference between "easier" and "easy", though, and he feels every inch of the gap as he chokes out the words. "He gave me chlamydia."

Jenni's struck completely speechless, opening and closing her mouth a few slow times as she tries to find words. Eventually, she gives up, her eyes filling with tears as she reaches out and pulls him to her in a tight hug. For the first time ever, her embrace isn't comforting. If anything, it's _un_comfortable for once, and he has to struggle to keep from pulling away. Her nails trailing up and down his back don't send soothing chills up his spine, they make his skin crawl. Her scent makes him nauseous. He hates it, but it's not as though he can ignore it, either. He knows she's not trying to make him feel weird, but he also knows that right now, she feels sorry for him. She feels sorry, because she _knows_.

This was never supposed to happen, he thinks. No one was ever supposed to find out. He was supposed to just be able to ignore it, act like he hadn't been a complete idiot, let something like this happen. But it's too late now, now that he's got this fucking STD. Now everyone's going to know he's this weak, stupid little kid, still way too naive for the Jersey Shore, and it's his own fault. Well, his own and Mike's, he thinks. He's not completely stupid, knows he didn't _ask_ for this, knows that Mike is a skeevy, disgusting, evil rat bastard to have done it in the first place. Still, he can't help but feel like a moron to have allowed himself to even get in the position.

"I'm so sorry, Vinny." Jenni suddenly manages, and it startles the boy.

He does push Jenni away now, everything becoming too much as he feels her breathing begin to hitch. He shakes his head, holding her at arm's length.

"No, don't say that to me. Not right now. I-I...I can't..." he tries to explain exactly what he's feeling, but the the words just won't come to him. He opens his mouth and closes it once, twice, a third time, but no sound comes out. It makes him panic even more internally, and he shakes his head again, drops his arms from her shoulders. Finally, he manages. "Just don't."

Jenni, always supportive, just nods. She gives him a few moments to breathe and collect his thoughts, wiping at her own eyes carefully. Eventually, she coughs to clear her throat, looking at Vinny through still- misty eyes.

"Someone needs to call Danny." she says, voice soft.

"What?" Vinny asks, suddenly growing nervous once again.

"Well, Pauly just beat the shit out of Mike. Mike's in the _hospital_, Vin. It's Danny's house. He needs to know what happened." Jenni explains as carefully as she can.

Vinny takes a deep breath. She's right, much as he hates it. He nods slowly.

"I guess you have a point. But..." he stops, swallows thickly before continuing, "C-could you be the one to do it? Please, Jenni?"

Jenni reaches out and rubs his upper arm again, an usuccessful effort to calm him down.

"Yea, of course." she offers him a kind smile as she speaks. Then, her expression turns a bit more serious. "But you and Pauly should probably tell the house when everyone gets home."

Vinny nods again.

"I know." he whispers.

They both fall silent for a moment, completely out of words. When she speaks up again, there's a waver to her voice.

"You know we all love you, Vinny-" she begins, but he cuts her off. He'll be hearing plenty of this later, he can't bear to hear it twice.

"I need to lie down." he says softly, and without so much as another word, makes his way out of the room. She doesn't try to follow him.


	4. Everything You Ever Wanted

**Chapter:** 4: Everything You Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:** Short chapter is short. Or really, it might not be too terribly short. Either way, it felt short, but it felt like the place to end the chapter. It's also really really late. I know. I apologize profusely. You cannot write my life. Haha. It has seriously been one thing after another, and those of you who talk to me at all know that. I've barely found time to breathe, let alone write. But, this has NOT been abandoned, by any means, and I actually have a lot more written than this, it's just kind of in pieces? Either way, it's coming, and hopefully soon now that things seem to have smoothed out a bit. Thanks for your patience, and for reading, and I hope you enjoy. =)

_~I walk the line, leave it all behind  
>I've been waiting forever.<em>

_It took the seasons going by to know it's not my fault_

_I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest,  
>Tried to be everything that you ever wanted.<br>I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter,  
>Tried to be everything but you.~<em>

Pauly's staring at the ceiling when Vinny walks into the room, bloodied hands woven tight together over his stomach as he lies on his bed. He doesn't even look at the younger as he enters, just keeps his eyes fixated on the ceiling. He does, however, scoot over all the way to the wall, as if to make room. It eases Vinny's nerves the slightest bit, even moreso when his boyfriend clears his throat and finally speaks, still not facing him.

"C'mere."

It's all Vinny needs. Then, he's letting out a sigh that is nothing but relief, almost hurrying over to drop onto the bed. There's not much space, but they make it work, Pauly pulling the younger to lie half on top of him. Vinny finds himself holding his breath as the DJ wraps an arm around his shoulders, grabbing one of Vinny's hands with the other and lacing still bloody fingers with his own. He seems to find air again the moment Pauly's thumb begins to rub over the back of his hand, lips ghosting over the top of his head. It comes with something that he can only accurately identify as a soft whine. If Pauly notices, he doesn't say anything, and Vinny couldn't be more thankful. Instead, the older lets him take his time, waiting patiently for Vinny to find whatever words he's going to say, if any. Eventually, the boy does re-discover his voice, albeit timidly.

"They took Mike to the hospital." he whispers, figuring it's the easiest place to start.

"They're lucky they didn't have to take him to the fucking morgue." Pauly snaps, outright disgust lacing his tone. It makes Vinny jump, and instantly, the DJ is apologizing softly. "Shit, I'm sorry. It's not you I'm mad at, I swear to God, Vin. It's that _sick fuck_. You know that."

Vinny nods against his boyfriend's chest, Pauly pulling him in even closer. He brushes another kiss to the younger's forehead, and Vinny can't even help himself, just has to ask, "Did you really mean it? What you told Mike?"

Pauly's movements still for the briefest of seconds, as if he's been caught off-guard. Immediately, Vinny wants to retract his words, never wanted to make his boyfriend uncomfortable. Before he has a chance, though, Pauly's replying softly.

"You mean that I'm in love with you?" the DJ asks, and Vinny can't even find words, simply nods his head slowly. Pauly lets out a slow, shaky breath, before speaking once more. "Yea. Of _course_ I did."

The younger feels his breath catch, knows Pauly feels it, too. He rattles on, however, as if he has too much emotion he just has to get out. It overwhelms Vinny just as much.

"I mean, I _am_ in love with you, Vin. Have been for a while. I just...I didn't know how to tell you. I _never_ wanted it to come out like that, though. I wish I could have planned it out and made it sp...nevermind...I...yea. I love you, Vinny." Pauly mutters, just barely loud enough for Vinny to hear.

Vinny can't stop the trembling that makes its way through his entire body. He curls in closer to his boyfriend, as much as he can, squeezes the older's hand tighter as he tries to steady himself. Then, timidly, he tips his head up to attempt to meet Pauly's eyes. The DJ tilts his head down, leans in as if he's going to kiss his boyfriend, but Vinny opens his mouth first. He feels like if he doesn't get this out now, he won't be able to voice it later.

"I love you, too." he whispers, and he swears he hears Pauly's breath catch much the way his own had. He ploughs on, though, even as he feels Pauly begin to shake around him. "I really do, Pauly, so _fucking_ much, and I-I'm, I'm so, so sorry that this even _hap _-"

Pauly does kiss him now, swallows the rest of the words down before he can finish getting them out. He slides a hand up to cling to Vinny's face like the younger is going to disappear at any moment, slip right out of his fingers never to be seen again. Vinny kisses him back with fervor, tries to convey just how much he really _does_ love Pauly, has for so long. He'd been terrified all this time to confess his feelings, just _knew_ the DJ didn't feel the same way. An idiot is all he feels like now, every part of him wishing he'd said something sooner, before all of this shit happened to taint the older's vision of him. Though, the way Pauly kisses him, it seems as though Vinny's image hasn't been tainted at all. The thought makes Vinny love him all the more, his heartbeat quickening even as Pauly pulls away, simply meets his eyes. He hears his own breathing almost stop when the DJ half stares him down, thumb stroking lightly over the skin of his cheek.

"Don't start that shit. Okay? You didn't do nothin' wrong. I don't give a shit how wasted you were, that doesn't give him the right to do what he did. Please don't start blaming yourself for all this. Please." Pauly says, a kind of desperation in his quiet voice that makes Vinny listen with everything he's got. The older presses another quick kiss to his lips before continuing. "We can make it through this. I _know_ we can. You just, you can't...you can't think this is your fault on top of everything. I-I...I can't handle it. We-we'll be alright, you just have to believe me. This was not. Your. Fault."

Vinny can't believe the raw honesty that's pouring from Pauly's lips. His boyfriend is never like this, normally so closed off with all of his thoughts and emotions bottled so deeply that the younger can't even find them. Yet, here he is, more open than Vinny's ever seen him. Vinny can't lie, he's always wished Pauly would open up like this, say everything that's on his mind. He just hates with everything in him that it's something so horrible that brought this change about. He finds himself nodding before he even has a chance to really think about it, willing to agree to whatever Pauly proposes at this point as long as it will calm him down. It works, too, and Vinny feels himself relaxing as well in Pauly's arms. After a moment, he presses onward as carefully as he can.

"So what happens now?" Vinny questions, keeping his voice low. Pauly takes a slow, deep breath, lets it out through his mouth.

"Well, now, we wait for everyone to get home, so we can go tell them what's up." the older replies, and Vinny nods. He knows it's going to suck, but it has to be done. The next part seems as if it's as hard for Pauly to say as it is for Vinny to hear. "Then, tomorrow, I guess we'll go down to the doctor and pick up your meds, and, uh...get me tested."

Words don't even come to Vinny's mind, shell-shocked by the reality of one simple statement. He nods once more, though, agreeing silently. He'd known this would happen, expected to have to have this talk from the moment he'd sat down with the doctor on the phone. Still, that doesn't make it hurt any less now that it's happening.

"I-I mean I'm sure I'm fine. We're real safe, and I feel fine." Pauly mutters, and Vinny hates that he's unsure who the older is trying to convince.

"You _are_ fine. You _have_ to be." Vinny returns just as softly. "I don't know what I'd do if-"

Before he has a chance to finish, however, there's a knock on the bedroom door that makes both of them jump in each other's arms, startled by the sound. Pauly's voice cracks when he responds, questioning as to who it is. At the sound of Jenni's voice, Pauly beckons her forth, and she slips quietly into the room, closing the door behind her. Vinny debates rolling off of Pauly for a brief moment, but the DJ doesn't seem to be willing to let him anytime soon, so he stays put. Jenni simply arranges herself casually on Vinny's bed, not even batting an eye at their position. Instead, she dives right in.

"I called Danny." she says, keeping her voice low the way theirs had been. "He kinda freaked out. He's gonna want to talk to you guys later, but he said to take a few days to collect yourselves if you need to. Either way, Mike is officially banned from the premises."

Vinny lets out a breath he was unaware he'd been holding. This is definitely a change, but one that he couldn't be happier about. At least it's one thing he's not going to have to worry about over the next few weeks. When Jenni continues, however, he feels as though his heart has dropped into his stomach.

"But, since he figures we all need to talk as a house, he's closing the shop early and sending everyone home." she informs them, and he feels Pauly take in a sharp breath. He's fairly certain Jenni didn't notice, however, trudging on. "So Ron and Sam are gonna go find Snooks and D and then they'll head this way. They know it's important, so they really shouldn't be long."

It's Pauly's turn to nod for once, the room falling completely silent for a moment as they all let the news sink in. Then, Vinny's sitting up, pushing himself from the bed. It takes everything in him to head toward the door, legs threatening to shake right out from under him, but he makes it, turning to face his wide-eyed companions nervously.

"Well, we should probably go wait on them, right?" he suggests, watching as Pauly sits up slowly and pushes himself from the bed as well.

As they exit the room, Pauly slips a hand into Vinny's, lacing their fingers together. When Vinny gives it a light squeeze, Pauly squeezes back, and it eases his nerves the absolute slightest bit. Maybe Pauly's right, he thinks. Maybe they will be okay. He just can't shake the feeling that things are going to go horribly wrong.


	5. If You Only Knew

**Chapter:** 5: If You Only Knew

**Author's Note:** Long chapter is long! Hahaha. So I had the entire last scene of this almost completely written literally since before I ever even started this fic. When I first wrote it, this whole story was set in a different time period. Now that I've gotten to this point, it felt like so much had changed that I had to go back and edit a lot of it. Turns out, though, there really wasn't much changing to do. It was just going to be a matter of getting things from where they were at the end of the last chapter to, well, here. Hopefully I did an alright job of it, and hopefully it was worth the wait. =) Enjoy! And remember, this story is still very much far from over, so keep your eyes peeled for updates! Slow though they may be. Haha. (Also, I do make reference to one of the Jersey Shore Dailies from season 4 at one point. Blink and you'll miss it. Haha.)

_~If you only knew,  
>I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you.<br>If you only knew,  
>I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I'd lose you.~<em>

The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, the whole house stunned into an awkward silence. Vinny feels nauseous, gripping Pauly's hand so tightly he's sure he's hurting the older. He can't help it, though, so nervous about his roommates' reactions to the situation at hand that he can't even breathe. He feels as if he's mere moments from breaking down, completely losing it. He just wishes someone would _say something_. What makes him more uncomfortable is that while they'd handled the news about Mike with a family-like rage in defense of their youngest family member, when the news had come forth about the extent of Pauly and Vinny's relationship being the cause of Pauly's rage (and potentially Mike's actions), they'd all just fallen silent.

Which is where they sit now, everyone save for Jenni and Deena staring wide eyed at the way the boys' hands are joined between them on the couch. At this point, Vinny's almost willing to take someone screaming about it over this dead quiet, he thinks. Suddenly, though, Nicole is rising solidly to her feet and making her way toward him, the look on her face anything but comforting, and he instantly wants to take it back. The feeling of her hand landing open palmed against the side of his face seals it. The whole room jumps at the sound of the slap, Vinny's hand coming up immediately to grip his cheek.

"What the hell, Nicole?" Pauly snaps from beside the younger, but Snooki isn't even looking at him. She glares instead at his boyfriend, tears brimming in her eyes.

"How _could_ you?" she demands, her whole demeanor starting to shake. "I _trusted_ you, with _everything_..."

Vinny can't even help it, has to try and comfort the girl. He releases Pauly's hand in order to try and wrap her in comforting arms, apologizing in the same breath. She's not having it, though, slapping his hands away. He recoils just as sharply as she does.

"No! Don't _touch_ me, you asshole!" Nicole half screeches. Then, she lets out a shaky whine, turning and storming out of the room entirely.

Vinny almost visibly shrinks in on himself, cradling his cheek carefully. The lingering sting from her slap doesn't hurt near as much as the realization that he very well could have just possibly lost one of his best friends. Three, if Sam and Ron's expressions are anything to go by, he thinks as he looks across the room at them. He's so upset, he could puke, right here. Pauly doesn't seem to notice any of it, though, too busy standing and yelling after Snooki as she retreats to her room.

"Nicole! What the fuck? Get back here!" he cries out, making as if he's going to go down the hall after her.

"No, Pauly! Fuck you, too! You're both liars! I _hate_ you!" she screams in response, slamming her bedroom door heavily behind her.

"Goddammit, Nicole!" Pauly yells, but Jenni silences him swiftly with a soft hand on his upper arm. When he turns to face her, her nearly motherly gaze relaxes him the slightest bit, the urge to fight with Snooki kicked completely out of him.

"Hey, I'll go talk to her, alright?" Jenni offers, rubbing the DJ's arm almost soothingly. She looks to Vinny as well, making eye contact with his wet ones. He nods slowly, squeezing his own hands together tightly.

"Can you tell her I love her?" he asks quietly, voice slightly raspy with sheer emotion.

"Of course, Vin. I'm sure she knows, though." Jenni explains, keeping her tone low. "She's probably just upset you didn't tell her sooner. Seriously, she'll be fine."

Vinny just nods again, even if he doesn't believe her, and watches his friend head down the hallway. Pauly scrubs his hands over his face in what seems like an effort to clear his head. When it doesn't work, he turns instead to Sam and Ron, still sitting wide-eyed on the opposite couch. Vinny's eyes turn to his own lap again in something that feels nauseatingly like shame, not even wanting to watch when Pauly opens his mouth.

"What about you two, huh? You got any issues we need to address? Are you gonna scream and storm off, too?" the DJ half-snaps, and Sam jumps, startled.

"What? No way, Pauly. You know we-" Ron begins. Suddenly, though, Sammi cuts him off, voice loud but timid.

"Actually..." she starts, and the room falls silent once more. Now that all eyes are on her, the girl seems to not want to speak. It annoys Pauly even more, and he finds himself ACTUALLY snapping at her this time.

"Actually _what_?" he demands, exhasperation sinking into his voice.

"Actually, I kind of have a problem with it, too." Sammi finishes, trying to look anywhere but Pauly. She realizes that her boyfriend isn't the right place to avert her gaze to, either, Ron's confused glare hitting her right in the gut. She looks back to Pauly almost nervously, hoping for some form of empathy, but his angry stare just makes her mad. "What? Come on, it-it's just...it's _wrong_. Can't you see that, Ron? It's _disgusting_ that-"

"Oh, fuck this." Vinny grinds out, jumping up from the couch and shoving past his own boyfriend, rushing down the hall to their room.

"Shit, Vin, wait-" Pauly tries, but Vinny doesn't even stop, slamming the door behind him the moment he gets through it. The DJ scrubs his hands over his face again, faster this time. Then, he's turning to Sam with sheer frustration in his eyes, any semblence of control he'd once had over himself completely gone at his lover's retreat. He can't even stop the rage that breaks forth when he yells at Sam. "God_dammit_, you stupid bitch! What the hell is your problem, huh? We come to you because you're our _family_ and we need your _help_, and this is how you act? What, can you just not live without starting some kind of drama? Fuck!"

He turns away from her in frustration, staring at the hallway as if he's considering following Vinny back to the bedroom. Deena beats him to it, though, leaping to her feet and motioning with her head down the hall. Pauly sighs, but nods, turning back to the fuming girl behind him. It's not like he means to yell at her, but he needs somewhere to direct his anger, and she's the only available target. Now, though, he's left to deal with the consequences in the form of a totally pissed off Sammi.

"Don't talk to me like that! I didn't cause none of this, and you know it!" Sam informs him angrily. "It's not my fault you decided to mess around with Vinny behind all our backs like that."

"Maybe we didn't tell you because we knew you were gonna be such a _bitch_ about it! Or maybe we just didn't say anything because it's nobody's goddamn _business_!" the oldest member of the house snaps, trying his best not to get in Samantha's face. She's not backing down, though crossing her arms indignantly over her chest, as if she has the right.

"Well, now it's _everyone's_ business. And it's _disgusting_." Sammi repeats, staring Pauly down as if she can't even stand to be in the room with him. This idea is solidified when she leans right into Pauly's face, her own decorated with a condescending sneer, dropping one last comment before sauntering from the room herself. "You should be _ashamed_ of yourself, Pauly."

Then, she's gone, too, rushing up the stairs to she and Ron's room. The DJ lets out a noise that a mix between a curse and a completely exhausted groan, dropping onto the couch the girl just vacated. He drops his face into his hands. This had certainly been a disaster, he thinks. Not the way he'd hoped things would go _at all_. He startles when he feels the couch dip next to him with Ron's weight. He turns to his roommate with the steadiest expression he can muster.

"_That_ could have gone better." Pauly says, trying to keep the conversation light.

"I'll say." Ron replies, voice quiet, but accompanied by a soft smile.

"What about you?" Pauly asks timidly after a few quiet moments. "Aren't you gonna go after Sam? Take her side or whatever?"

"No. I'm not...I mean, I'm not you guys' biggest supporter or anything. That's probably Deena," he jokes, and Pauly laughs with him, agrees. "But I'm not disgusted or nothin'. You guys are my brothers, no matter who you're havin' sex with. It'll just...take some getting used to. But we're still friends. I've still got you guys' backs."

"For real, man?" the DJ questions in complete disbelief.

"Of course, dude!" Ron reassures him casually. "I'll talk to Sam, too. Figure out what her deal is. You guys don't have to deal with this alone."

Pauly takes a deep, shaky breath in, lets it out slowly. He can't believe that in the midst of it all, Ron is still there for them in their worst possible moment. He finds himself overcome with emotion, having to struggle to keep himself steady as he offers a hand for Ron to shake. Ron just laughs, pulling Pauly into a hug.

"I'm not afraid of you, man. This will just take some getting used to. I told you." Ron tells the older, and he finally relaxes a bit.

When Ron heads upstairs to go talk things out with Sammi, Pauly finally manages to push himself up off the couch, venture toward the bedroom and his waiting boyfriend. He feels the exhaustion seeping in with every step. The whole day has been a whirlwind. Right now, he just wants to crawl into bed with his lover, console him, and go to bed. They can deal with all of this drama tomorrow. Together.

**III**

It's all Vinny can do to keep from screaming once he's in the sanctity of his own room. He slams a heavy hand into the wall next to his bed, leans against the open palm to steady himself as he tries desperately to just breathe. When it doesn't work, he lets out an agonizing groan, pushing off from the wall and throwing himself face down on his boyfriend's bed. He inhales deeply, _needing_ to take in Pauly's scent in an effort to just. Calm. Down. He hates himself, hates how completely weak and powerless he feels, right on the verge of a breakdown. He can't help it, though, rattled all the way down to his core just by the events that have transpired just within the last week. A handfull of days ago, he was just a dumb kid who had gotten caught with his guard down at the worst possible time, and he was content to accept that fate, keep his secret, and move on. Now, though...

Now, he's got a sexually transmitted disease that he actually has to go get treated for. Now, Pauly has to get tested because he was a _fucking moron_ and didn't mention anything about it until today. Now, he's had to not only come out to all of his roommates, but he's also had to admit to them that Mike...Vinny grips the pillow tighter, breathing in as slowly and deeply as he possibly can. He's not sure whether he should be relieved or worried that the tears just aren't coming, even as he feels himself starting to break down. Before he has a chance to really think too much about it, however, he hears someone knock lightly on the door. He lifts his head just enough away from the pillow to be heard.

"Not right now, Pauly." he says softly. He hates that he can't even bear to face the older right now, of all times, but he can't help it; he's totally and utterly overwhelmed. He sits up a little more when it's not Pauly's voice that responds.

"It's just me, Vin. I wanna talk to you." Deena calls from the other side.

Vinny breathes in once, twice, three times, deep as he can, trying to call forth every meditation trick he knows. He can do this, he thinks. If anyone won't judge him, it's Deena. The thought reassures him just enough.

"Come in," he replies, and his voice cracks. He curses under his breath as she slips quietly into the room, easing the door shut behind her.

The small girl hovers by the door for a few long moments, as if she's not sure whether she's really allowed to enter or not. Vinny pushes himself into a fully sitting position, looking at her almost nervously. He does his best to stifle his fear, motioning for her to come sit with him. Suddenly, it seems like he's broken down her wall, for she rushes over and drops down next to him on the bed, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He hugs her back as best he can, tries not to focus on the fact that she's shaking. After a bit, she pulls away, meeting his eyes as if she's still checking him over. It makes him the slightest bit uncomfortable, and he's disgusted with himself for it.

"Are you okay?" she asks softly, hands still on his arms.

"As good as I can be, I guess?" he whispers. It's the only response that feels appropriate. He's not as outright distraught as he thinks he should be over something like this. In fact, he hasn't even cried about it, not once. If it hadn't been for this whole Chlamydia thing, he's (mostly) sure he could have gotten over it all just fine, gone about his business as if nothing had ever happened.

"Are you sure?" she questions, completely derailing his string of self-assurances.

"Totally. I'm just kinda stressed out about the whole thing, y'know?" he replies in a further attempt to brush it off. He tries to shoot Deena a reassuring smile to accompany it, make her understand that he's going to be _fine_. For some reason, though, his mouth just won't cooperate. It seems to be dead set in a frown, his teeth locked tight onto the inside of his lower lip where he's just realized he's evidently been chewing all afternoon. The almost pitying expression Deena sends his way turns his stomach the way Jenni's hug had earlier, but the girl doesn't seem to notice, taking his hands in hers instead.

"Vinny...you know you can tell me anything. You're like my brother. I just want to help you." she tells him, voice full of compassion. He yanks his hands away as if they've been burned, and Deena noticably tries not to look too hurt. Vinny lets out a light sigh, desperately struggles to keep his composure even as he feels it slipping away.

"I know that, D. I just _really_ don't wanna talk about it anymore today, okay?" he says, hoping it doesn't come out as harshly as he thinks it does.

He can't help it, though. All he's wanted since this whole mess began is to forget about it, lock it somewhere tight in the back of his mind and pretend it never happened, but that seems to be the last thing anyone around him wants to allow. He should know, however, that Deena's never been like everyone else, and that fact is confirmed when she simply winds an arm around his shoulders, hugging him close once more.

"Alright. That's fine, Vin. You don't have to say anything at all if you don't want. Just relax." she whispers, rubbing his shoulder gently, and somehow, he feels himself start to respond, his body sagging under the relief of having even as much as a compassionate shoulder to drop his head on (which he does). He drops an arm around her shoulders as well for added measure, curling into her just a bit.

They sit like that for several long minutes, neither of them making a single sound. Vinny just breathes as calmly as he can, tries to clear his mind. Once Deena begins to run her nails over his scalp carefully, he closes his eyes, finally relaxed for the first time in hours. He can feel the tension practically bleeding out of him with every swipe of her hand, and suddenly, he couldn't be more grateful to have such an amazing friend in his life. He's reminded of Italy, and her total acceptance of himself and Pauly's relationship, the way she'd covered for them time and time again so that they could get a moment alone. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her camraderie the last few weeks until here, right now, with her rubbing comforting circles into his shoulder. He lets out a soft sigh.

"Hey, D? You wanna stay in here tonight? You can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep with Pauly. It'll be like in Italy." he questions quietly, just barely loud enough to be heard.

"Are you sure?" Deena returns just as softly, her hands never stilling.

"Yea. I...I need you tonight." Vinny explains carefully.

Deena just nods. "Okay."

Then, they fall back silent once more, Vinny still wrapped in her comforting hug. That's how Pauly finds them when he wanders back into the bedroom a few minutes later, the younger trying to soak in comfort from his friend. The DJ stops at the door, leaning against the frame with a soft smile and just watching them for a moment. He tries to hide the relief that begins to take over his entire being at the scene, the way Vinny seems to actually be calm again. He couldn't be more grateful for Deena, he realizes, letting out a soft breath before entering the room quietly. Pauly stops right next to them, reaching out and running a careful hand over the top of Vinny's head to catch his attention. When the younger does look up at him, it's with somewhat of a smile, and Pauly is so happy about it that it's all he can do to keep from grabbing Vinny and kissing him breathless right there. He manages to maintain his composure, though, clearing his throat instead and meeting his lover's gaze somewhat timidly.

"Hey. You wanna come take a shower with me?" Pauly asks, tries to keep the nervous waver from his voice. He holds up his hand, still covered in dried blood, with a light laugh, attempts to lighten the mood. "I mean, I dunno about _you_, but I think I need one, yea?"

Vinny is hesitant in his response, not that Pauly really blames him. After all, they've only ever really showered together when everyone was gone, except for the handful of times Pauly can remember them doing it in the dead of night, when they were _certain_ their roommates were asleep. Those had been under the polar opposite of circumstanecs, however, and Pauly can't help but understand his lover's trepidation at the notion.

As if Vinny's reading his mind, he mutters quietly, "Just shower?"

"Absolutely." the older responds immediately, nodding. He darts his gaze momentarily over to Deena, but she seems to have backed away the slightest bit. Then, he kneels down, taking Vinny's hand in his own shakily, looking up directly into the younger's eyes and speaking just barely loud enough for Vinny to catch what he says, "I just...I really want to be close to you right now. Please?"

Vinny nods almost without another thought, moving out of Deena's embrace and onto his feet. He looks back at his friend where she sits on the bed, shooting her an almost guilty gaze. She just smiles at him in return, standing up as well.

"It's cool. I'll just go ahead and get ready for bed. I'll be here when you get back." she informs Vinny, wandering out of the room before them with a wave. Pauly doesn't even ask. Instead, he crooks his head after her, and Vinny nods, following closely behind his boyfriend down the hall.

The moment they're alone in the bathroom, door locked behind them, Vinny lets out a slow breath, reaching to tug his shirt off. He can feel the exhaustion seeping into his bones now that they're here, the realization settling over him that the day really is, finally, almost over. Suddenly, there's hands on his own, stilling his movements. He looks up into Pauly's eyes as the DJ takes the shirt in his own hands delicately. There's fear in them, and Vinny finds himself taking a step closer, an effort to comfort his lover.

"Can I?" Pauly asks softly, tugging on Vinny's shirt just a bit.

"_Yes_." Vinny half sighs in response.

Pauly takes his time removing the younger's clothes, carefully folding them on the sink as he goes, but never once taking his eyes off his boyfriend. He's much less careful with his own, which surprises Vinny considerably. He doesn't have much time to dwell on it, however, Pauly turning on the water and beckoning him forth with a light hand on his arm. The very instant that they're both inside, Vinny feels Pauly's arms wind around him tightly, pulling him in close under the warm spray. He can feel the tremble in his lover's embrace, and it makes him ache, arms coming up to hold Pauly as well. He hates that he's partially to blame for the DJ's near distraught condition, and he finds himself desperate to find something to take it away. Then, Pauly drops his head to Vinny's shoulder, begins mouthing soft words and phrases against his skin, and Vinny almost loses it.

"What is it?" he inquires as he runs a slow hand up and down the older's back. When Pauly doesn't respond, just stills his motions, Vinny tries again. "Seriously, what's up? You can tell me."

Pauly lets out a slow sigh that makes Vinny shiver, breath hot against his neck, before he takes a step back to meet the younger's eyes. Vinny's fairly certain he's never seen Pauly look so utterly _hurt_, which is a definite shock with everything they've already been through together. His eyes are just so sad, forlorn look covering his face like his hair gel does as it rinses out of his hair and down his face. Vinny can't even help it, has to reach out and take his lover's face in his hands, wipe away some of the gel. Pauly lets him before responding.

"You're so beautiful, Vin. No, you are." the DJ repeats when he notices Vinny opening his mouth to object. "And I know you're not just tryina' argue because of what happened. But I also know that that certainly didn't help the way you look at yourself at all. And that fucking _kills_ me, Vinny, I just...fuck."

He trails off, completely overcome with emotion, and drops his head back to Vinny's shoulder for a moment. He can't believe the words that are coming out of his mouth, can't believe he sounds like such a fucking _girl_. It's so not like him, usually only voicing his feelings in the form of light hearted jokes or almost inappropriate phrases. It seems as if everything has been left lying totally upside down in the wake of "Hurricane Situation", as the younger man had once dubbed himself. Suddenly, Pauly is overcome with a completely different emotion, and he can't even look at Vinny as he speaks, too nervous his lover will mis-read the look he _knows_ is in his eyes.

"Y'know, all this time I thought I knew what hate was. I really thought there were some people in this world I just hated. I was wrong, though. See, 'cause this afternoon...this afternoon, I figured out what hate _really_ is." Pauly says. Now, he does look up, right into Vinny's eyes. He takes the younger's face into trembling hands before continuing. "I _hate_ Mike for what he did to you, Vin. All of it. I hate that he hurt you, physically, and I hate that he got you sick, and I _hate_ that he made you think for even a second that you're anything less than the absolutely _incredible_ person you are."

Vinny's still completely speechless, staring at Pauly with wide eyes as the water pours down over both of them. Pauly doesn't blame him; he's not even entirely sure where his _own_ words are coming from. He helps his lover out, briefly, unable to resist the urge any longer to try and kiss Vinny's hurt away, even the slightest bit. The moment their lips are sealed together, Vinny seems to spring to life, his own hands flying up to cling to Pauly's face. The DJ's hands drop away from his boyfriend's face in shock at the sheer passion he's managed to ignite in him, grabbing instead onto Vinny's hips and pulling him close. Pauly leans backward, bracing himself against the shower wall and pulling the younger to rest against him as they kiss. He runs his hands all over Vinny's body simultaneously, anywhere he can reach. After a moment, he musters up enough courage to swipe his tongue across his lover's lower lip, timidly asking for entrance. When Vinny grants it, it's accompanied by a light sigh, the stress of the day seeming to melt away under the spray of the shower as he sinks further into Pauly's embrace. Suddenly, their hips slot together just right, and Pauly lets out a soft moan he's almost completely oblivious to. He's not oblivious to the feel of it, however, and neither is Vinny, who breaks the kiss immediately, taking a step back. His hands drop to the DJ's shoulders as he tries to catch his breath, calm his racing heart.

"I'm sorry, I-I can't...we shou-...God, we-we _can't_, Pauly. We don't even know for sure if-if _you're_ okay, a-and I'm not..." Vinny tries his best to explain. Pauly just offers him a sad half-smile, rubbing his hips soothingly.

"No, I get it. I understand completely. _I'm_ sorry." Pauly whispers in response.

"Not your fault." Vinny mutters, dropping his eyes away from his boyfriend's. He lets out an almost defeated sigh, one that has a tremble to it. "I'm gonna go ahead and get out, go lay down."

With that, the younger turns and makes as if to exit the shower. Pauly stops him, however, grabbing him by the wrist and turning him back around. He brushes a quick kiss over Vinny's lips before the boy can object, smiling at the him when they separate.

"I'll be in there in a second, beautiful." Pauly tells him, just loud enough for him to hear. He considers it a win when he notices the light blush dusted across Vinny's cheeks when the younger nods before rushing out of the shower.

**III**

Deena's already curled up in bed half asleep when Vinny enters the bedroom once more. She offers him a light smile and a wave, making a display of covering her eyes with her hands as Vinny slides on a pair of boxers. She watches discreetly, however, as he looks around the room for a moment before finally snatching one of Pauly's shirts up out of the older's dirty clothes pile and slipping it over his head. They exchange quiet "goodnights" before Vinny slides in the bed to wait for his boyfriend.

He doesn't have to wait long, Pauly making his way into the room almost the moment Vinny gets the covers up over his feet. For all the optimism Pauly had been wearing in the shower, there seems to be none of it left now, the older's eyes full of exhaustion and sadness. It turns Vinny's stomach, makes him unable to watch as the DJ dresses for bed. He does look up when Pauly slips into bed next to him, and he can't miss the fond smile that makes its way across Pauly's face when he notices Vinny's shirt. The younger tries to shoot him a grin in response, and he hopes he manages, despite that he's more than aware of how much he's failed at the same action all day. Nevertheless, he scoots over, rearranging himself with his lover in a way that they're both comfortable, lying on their sides facing one another.

The moment they're both situated, Pauly's reaching out, grabbing one of Vinny's hands in his own and lacing their fingers together between them on the bed. He drops a hand onto the younger's hip, fingers barely slipping below the fabric of the shirt to stroke at his skin in a comforting manner. A wave of guilt washes over Vinny when his boyfriend shoots him a smile that's supposed to be just as soothing, but is actually painted with sadness in response. He's reminded of the way the older had acted in the shower, as if he were on the very urge of a breakdown, and it makes him feel sick. He hates the way things have gone (hates even more that he feels so fucking _responsible_ for all of it, him and his own immaturity and poor choices. _And Mike_, his brain adds with disgust). Everything feels so broken now, almost damaged beyond repair, and he has no idea how to fix it. Vinny lets out a low sigh, in hopes Pauly won't hear it. Unfortunately, the older has practically memorized his breathing patterns (and they're crammed so close together on the tiny twin-sized bed that Vinny wouldn't be suprised if Pauly had _felt_ it more than heard it), so he perks up immediately, opening his eyes to meet the younger's but never stilling the thumb that's rubbing circles into his hip.

"What is it?" Pauly questions him quietly, his voice still rough from all the screaming he's done today. It makes Vinny feel even more guilty almost instantly, and he ducks his eyes away nearly in shame. Pauly's not having it, though, tipping the younger's face back up with a gentle finger under his chin. Vinny still tries to look away, and this time, Pauly lets him, frowning instead. "Hey. Seriously, Vin, what's up?"

It takes Vinny a few long moments to answer. Pauly gives him the time, instead running his other thumb lightly across the back of Vinny's hand, intertwined with his own between them. When the younger does open his mouth again, he meets his boyfriend's eyes first.

"I feel like I fucked everything up." he says, voice so small Pauly has to strain to hear it. He can't believe he's even giving voice to these thoughts, barely able to even admit them to himself. The second the statement registers with the DJ, Pauly squeezes the younger's hand, scooting in closer and tangling their legs together more.

"What? What are you talking about, babe?" he demands, trying to keep his tone low and even. Vinny's the _last_ person he's mad at in this whole mess, and Pauly has no desire to make him feel otherwise. His free hand comes around to cup his boyfriend's cheek softly, look him right in the eyes. "You didn't fuck _anything_ up. That asshole Mike is the one who fucked up. Shoulda never laid his fuckin' hands on you, I swear to God..."

Pauly trails off angrily, can't even stop himself. Everytime he really has a chance to stop and think about all of it, he can't help but wish the cameramen hadn't been around. He's never wanted to kill anyone before, but he's pretty certain if he'd had the opportunity, he would have killed Mike right where he stood. Somehow, beating him bloody the way he had just isn't good enough. Vinny's voice interrupts his thoughts, however, and he snaps back to attention, all his focus on the boy in front of him.

"That's just it, though! If I wouldn't have gotten so drunk-" Vinny tries, but Pauly can't even let him finish.

"Hey, no. What do I keep telling you? This isn't your fault, Vin. I don't care _how_ drunk you were. Mike crossed the fucking line that night. You understand that, right?" Pauly asks, has to make sure Vinny _knows_, without a doubt, that he's blameless.

"But everyone _knows_ now! And if I just would have been more responsible, this never would have happened." Vinny replies, a sad sound in his voice that makes Pauly pull him even closer, never letting go of his hand. If anything, he clings tighter, desperate to be the younger's rock in these troubled waters.

"What's with all the what-if's? I thought you didn't do hypotheticals." the older reminds him, trying to lighten the mood a bit with memories from Italy. Pauly's arm is resting right over his hip, and Vinny curls towards him, like he's a source of comfort. It makes him smile the slightest bit.

"I know. It's just...this isn't how I planned it, y'know? Telling you how I feel about you, coming out to our friends...It's just not how I wanted everything to go down." Vinny explains himself, voice sounding more downtrodden with every word.

"It's not exactly how I expected things to go down, either, man." Pauly responds, thumb resuming rubbing over the younger's hand. Then, he lowers his voice just loud enough for Vinny to catch it, even tilting his head in the slightest bit to make it more personal. "I never wanted anything like that to happen to you."

Vinny nods, then falls silent once again, avoiding his lover's gaze. It makes Pauly ache for him, despise their officially ex-roommate for putting the younger in such a position to begin with. He just seems so sad, so completely destroyed. It kills Pauly that he can't do anything to help, either, nothing but listen to his worries and attempt to console him.

"Everyone hates us. I feel like such an idiot." the younger says after several long moments, and Pauly frowns once again.

"Whoa, hey. Vinny, sweetheart. No one hates us. What makes you think that?" Pauly questions, holding his lover's face with one hand and stroking it just slightly, the tips of his fingers brushing against Vinny's hair just enough that Pauly can feel his body start to relax even as he protests vocally.

"I mean, look at the facts, Paul! Nicole won't talk to me, Ron is completely uncomfortable, Sam is outright _disgusted_-" Vinny starts, but Pauly cuts him off once more, raising his voice just enough to silence the younger.

"Let me stop you right there. Jenni's right, Nicole is just upset that you didn't tell her sooner. She'll get over it. And Ron's in there talking Sam down right now! He just needs some time to get used to it. You heard him say he's fine with it. He even hugged me! He's fine. Jenni's more worried about you than upset about us. She's okay with it. And Deena! Deena's okay with it!" Pauly explains, watching his boyfriend's face soften more and more with each word.

"Yea, Deena's okay with it!" the girl pipes up from her bed across the room. "I think it fuckin' rocks!"

For the first time all night, Vinny's face breaks out in an honest-to-God smile, breathing out the smallest of laughs. It makes Pauly smile widely, both of them turning to look at their friend with amused expressions. She glances back at them from her pillow, sleep still painted all over her face. The boys laugh to themselves.

"What? I'm serious! I think it's sweet." Deena continues, fond smile on her face.

"See? She thinks it's sweet." Pauly says, turning back to his boyfriend and lying back down. Vinny follows suit with a nod. Then, the older is leaning forward, resting his head against Vinny's and staring deep into his eyes. "Everything's gonna be alright, sweetheart. I promise you."

"I guess you're right." the younger finally agrees, and Pauly feels himself finally start to settle a bit.

"Of course I am! I'm Pauly D!" he quips, and Vinny laughs a little harder this time. Taking the boy's face in his free hand, he lowers his voice once more, speaking directly to his young lover with a certain tone in his voice that only Vinny gets to hear. "I love you, Vinny. I really mean that."

Vinny's face colors the slightest bit, staring directly into the older's eyes when he replies. "I love you, too. So incredibly fucking much, Pauly."

Pauly nods a few times slowly. He can't even resist leaning in and capturing his boyfriend's lips in a slow, soft kiss, scooting in even closer and tangling their legs together even further, his hand sliding down to grip Vinny's chin. The younger sighs into it, tilting his head just enough for Pauly to get better access when he relents to the older's tongue prying at his lips. Pauly feels Vinny squeeze his hand affectionately, his other hand tangling into Pauly's still-wet hair. Anyone else he's pretty sure he'd slap the shit out of for ever TRYING to grab his locks like this, but Vinny he can never deny, especially when the younger is holding onto him like a lifeline. It makes him reach down and grab Vinny's hip, pull his lover flush against him. When Vinny lets out the slightest of moans, Pauly knows he has to stop, pulling back before it can get anymore heated. The last thing he wants right now is to get his boyfriend all hot and bothered when they can't even do anything about it. He hears Vinny sigh bitterly, resting a head on his chest.

"It's not fair." the younger mumbles against the fabric of his T-shirt. Pauly presses a kiss to the top of Vinny's head.

"I know it's not, baby. But you'll be better before you know it, seriously. And then we just have to make up for lost time." Pauly says suggestively, trying to keep his lover's hopes up. He counts it as a win when Vinny looks up at him with the hint of a wicked grin.

"There is that." he agrees almost excitedly. Pauly has to kiss him again.

"See? Bright side to everything. But right now-" Pauly breaks off in a yawn, rubbing a hand up and down Vinny's back, "Now, I'm exhausted, because it has been one hell of a day, and all I wanna do is curl up right here, with my boyfriend, and go to sleep. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." Vinny agrees, snuggling in as close as he can. "Goodnight, Pauly."

"Night, baby." Pauly replies quietly, wrapping an arm around the younger. Just as he's about to drift off, he hears Vinny's voice light up once more.

"And Pauly? Thank you."

Pauly's not sure what his lover is thanking him for, and no matter what it is, he's pretty certain Vinny doesn't need to thank him for it. Still, he responds just as softly.

"No problem. Do anything for you."

He feels Vinny smile against him, pressing a kiss to his chest. He can't help but feel the slightest bit relieved. Nevertheless, he knows, deep down, that he really means it. He can only hope as he drifts off that Vinny believes him.


	6. Fix a Heart

**Chapter:** 6: Fix a Heart

**Author's Note:** Whooo! I finally got an update done! So here's the thing. Real life got in the way for a little bit, and I got hit with a terrible case of writer's block. I know exactly where this story is going, and I know the key events, but filler has always been a bitch for me, and shit like this, this feels like filler. I always feel like I do so terrible at it. Anyway. So, right as I get hit with a surge of inspiration, lo and behold, two of my Jersey Shore fics get taken down because of the use of real people. All because some idiot trolling little kids had nothing better to do with their morning than troll the site. Either way, I'm mildly butthurt about it, so in addition to cross-posting all of my Jersey Shore stuff to Livejournal, I'm also slightly less inspired than I was. :/ I apologize. But! Here is a new chapter, and hopefully it'll start really pouring out from here. Hope you enjoy!

_~It's probably what's best for you  
>I only want the best for you<br>And if I'm not the best, then you're stuck_

_And I just ran out of band-aids  
>I don't even know where to start<br>'Cause you can bandage the damage,  
>You never really can fix a heart~<em>

Vinny wakes suddenly in a panic, sucking in air like he's been deprived it for minutes solid, a cold sweat dripping down his face. He looks around wildly through wide, scared eyes, trying to figure out what could have startled him. But, nothing's amiss. Pauly is still passed out next to him, hand on his hip. Deena's still snoring softly in the other bed. There's no smoke in the air. No one is screaming anywhere else in the house. Nothing's wrong. For a moment, he's almost relieved. With this realization, however, comes the realization that he must have been awoken by his own thoughts if it wasn't outer forces that disturbed his slumber. It hits him like a ton of bricks right as he's about to lie back down, almost throwing him right back into a panic.

He puts a hand on his chest as if to physically calm his racing heart. For the life of him, he can't remember what he had been dreaming about. If he had to guess, though, he knows what he'd pick, and it sends a wave of nausea right up his his throat. Instantly, he moves to climb out of bed over his sleeping boyfriend, figuring he'll go get a drink and sit out on the roof for a little bit to clear his head. Mid-movement, he stops. He suddenly realizes he can't. He sags under the weight of the thought, slumping forward on the bed. If he gets up and goes to shake off his anxiety now, someone will surely hear him and come investigate, and where normally this wouldn't be a problem, now they'll know why he's up. Even if he wanted to, he knows he couldn't possibly bring himself to talk about any of it right now. By the same token, he knows that whichever roommate undoubtedly finds him will want to talk things out with him. Vinny sighs; he just can't do it.

When he inhales again, it's shaky, and he can almost feel the claustrophobia of a second panic attack coming on. It's just not fair, he thinks. He can't sleep. He can hardly think straight. Some of his closest friends are never going to look at him the same way, and he knows it. For the first time in a long time, he feels totally uncomfortable in the house. Hell, in his own skin, he thinks, and it's all because of that asshole. It's just not fair. It feels like Mike has somehow managed to take everything from him, all in the course of an evening, and one he barely remembers at that. He can't even have sex with his boyfriend for fear of getting him sick. If he's not sick already, a too-familiar voice reminds him from the darkest corner of his mind, and Vinny almost chokes.

This time, he does push himself from the bed, carefully easing over Pauly's prone form. He feels suddenly trapped in the bedroom, despite that every single thing that calms him down (besides his mother) is right there, arm's length away. He starts to pace back and forth as quietly as he can in the small space, tries to shake off some of the excess energy that he can almost feel radiating off him in waves. He gnaws at his nails as he walks, tries not to focus on anything negative. It's hard, though, and the pacing isn't working the way he so desperately needs it to. He can feel his breathing quickening, his heart rate speeding up again, and he does the only thing he can think of. He drops to the floor and starts working out.

He's not sure how many sit-ups he's done when Pauly's not-quite-sleepy voice cuts through his haze.

"Vinny, hey."

He almost falters, but he doesn't stop, just makes a noise of affirmation.

"Babe, what are you doin'?" the DJ asks him, and Vinny almost sighs, speeding up in frustration instead.

"Working out." he mutters. He wishes he had a better answer for his boyfriend, but he certainly can't tell Pauly he's panicking on the inside. Even if it is written all over his face. He keeps doing sit-ups, not even looking at the older.

Vinny can feel Pauly watching him for several long, quiet minutes. It makes his skin crawl for the first time ever, because he knows his lover is just searching for what to say to him. Talking to him has never been a problem for Pauly, even when they were temporarily at odds in Miami. The fact that the DJ feels so awkward now makes him nauseous. He speeds up further in an effort to push it down. Finally, Pauly manages to speak again.

"Vinny, sweetheart...come back to bed." the older tries, and Vinny slows his pace at the endearment. At the same time, he knows it comes from this newfound thing that's come between them, and it makes him ache.

"Can't." he manages to respond. He elaborates further, "Can't sleep."

"Oh." Pauly replies quietly. For a moment, Vinny thinks the older is struggling with what to say again. Then, out of nowhere, "Do you wanna go for a run?"

This actually does stop the younger. He turns and looks at Pauly with a poorly masked look of shock.

"Yea?" he asks softly.

"Yea." says, voice just as soft. "We can go get breakfast, go by the clinic, maybe go to the beach for a bit?"

He knows that Pauly knows he heard the sly suggestion, even if the DJ did slip it in as discreetly as possible. He also knows they need to get the errand done whether he really wants to or now, and the sooner the better. May as well de-stress a bit ahead of time. He finds himself nodding slowly, pulling his knees in closer to his chest and half-hugging them, trying to think about literally anything else. Pauly must be able to see his discomfort, for the next thing Vinny knows, the older is pushing himself from the bed and pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. Pauly runs his nails a few times over Vinny's scalp in an effort to further calm him. It works, if only a little. Then, Pauly's offering him a smile before standing up straight, stretching high above his head.

"Alright. Just let me get dressed." the older tells him, and Vinny just nods again, pushing himself off the floor as well.

For a moment, Vinny almost manages to convince himself that everything might be able to just go back to normal. He even tells himself that Pauly's lack of effort to fix his hair, opting to cover it with a hat instead, is simply because it's five in the morning and the last thing they need to do is wake their roommates. It's not until Vinny notices his lover's distant expression as Pauly tries to pick out a pair of shoes that the younger realizes just how troubled Pauly is. The DJ is so distracted, in fact, that he inevitably slides on a pair that don't match his outfit in the slightest. It leaves a bad taste in Vinny's mouth, one that he wants to wash out immediately. He convinces himself that that's why the second they get outside, he just starts to run, tells himself it's not because he's trying so desperately to run away from his problems, run back to how things were. Pauly doesn't falter, though, keeping close to his side the entire way, and with each step, Vinny wonders how many times he has to repeat the lies to himself before they become a reality.

**III**

Vinny's not sure whether or not it was a good idea to go eat before they stopped by the health clinic once they get there. On the one hand, he's pretty sure he won't be able to even think about food for at least the next little while after they leave. On the other, he's pretty sure he's never felt so sick as he does watching the doctors draw blood from his visibly nervous boyfriend. He knows Pauly's trying his damndest to mask his fear, but that doesn't stop the fact that it's written all over his face. Even if Vinny couldn't see it, he can certainly tell from the way the DJ's hand trembles where it's laced with his own. Vinny hasn't had it in him to be anything but distraught since the doctor had come in to talk to him, first. While it's a relief that all he required was a shot of antibiotics, actually getting it in front of his lover had been nothing short of humiliating. It had been accompanied by the news that he wasn't to engage in any form of sexual activity for the next three weeks until they can be completely sure that he's infection free. Vinny had thought then that surely things couldn't be any worse. Of course, he'd forgotten that Pauly had to get tested, too.

The DJ is still pale when they exit the clinic, having been reminded that the test results won't come in for a few days. The realization that he won't know anything immediately seems to have stunned Pauly. It's like he's completely entranced, up in his own head. He just stands in front of the building, staring almost wide-eyed out at the parking lot, as if he's at a loss. Vinny figures he probably is. He knows he certainly was. He can't even look at the older, eyes fixated on his own feet, instead. The nausea from earlier has returned, coupled with something that feels like guilt curling in the pit of his stomach. He waits uncomfortably for Pauly to tell him he's ready to go home, knows there's no way their plans from earlier are even an option, but suddenly, Pauly surprises him again, reaching over and lacing their fingers together. Vinny nearly jumps, turning startled eyes to his boyfriend.

"You still wanna go down to the beach?" the older asks with a raspy voice.

"Sure." Vinny agrees with a slight nod.

This time, it's Vinny who has to keep up as they run, Pauly taking off after brushing a soft kiss across the younger's forehead. He doesn't mind it so much, the quick pace keeping his mind off pretty much everything but breathing correctly. He's so distracted, in fact, that he doesn't realize how far down the beach they're running until Pauly stops. It seems the DJ has led them to a completely secluded spot, and when Vinny looks around, he can see why. As far as the eye can see, there are nothing but rocks spread out across the sand. Vinny's glad they're in sneakers instead of the flip flops they'd be in normally. For a moment, he wonders why Pauly has brought them here, of all places. The older seems to be off in his own world again, though, looking out across the water with a blank expression. Vinny stands by his side, watching the waves roll in and break against the sharp structures below them. He's suddenly overcome with the urge to break something as well, reaching down and grabbing a loose rock from by his feet before he even realizes what he's doing. He pulls his arm back, winds up, and throws it as hard and as far as he can. The force of it sends a burn all the way up to his shoulder, and that, combined with the sound of it smashing against one of the rocks scattered in the water on the horizon somehow comforts him. He startles when a rock flies past him, crashing into the waves not far from where his own had landed. When he turns to look at Pauly, the older has a light smile that matches the one that has spread across his own face, both of them slightly relaxed for the first time today. Vinny picks up another rock.

**III**

They throw rocks until they can't feel their arms, and then they throw a few more. They talk the whole time, keeping the topics of conversation light, telling jokes and funny stories and just trying to laugh for a little bit. They keep close to each other as they walk back to the house, hands brushing together every so often. Vinny's thankful the cameras have been instructed to avoid them for the next little while, try and get clips from the other roommates that they can make a story out of that doesn't involve he or Pauly or Mike. It feels like he can breathe the slightest bit easier, relax if only a little bit. At the very least, it means he and Pauly can trade soft endearments the entire walk that keep smiles on both of their faces.

By the time they get back to the house, Vinny is finally starting to feel like maybe things can go back to normal after all. Like maybe this morning was nothing but him being overly paranoid. So of course, the moment he's been re-instilled with confidence, someone has to come in and take it away. Nicole's sitting in the living room with Deena when they walk in the front door, and for a moment, everything goes silent. The instant Vinny opens his mouth, takes a step toward the girls, though, Snooki is jumping up, heading toward the hall.

"Snooki-" Vinny calls after her, but she doesn't even slow down.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say." she returns. Then, she slams her door behind her.

Vinny lets out a defeated sigh, dragging his feet as he makes his way into the house. There's a sag in his shoulders as he collapses onto the couch, and Deena throws an arm around them in an effort to comfort him. Pauly crosses his arms as he stops in front of the two of them, and it's obvious he's having to try hard not to frown.

"I just don't get it." Vinny mumbles. "How can she just hate me like that?"

"She doesn't hate you, Vin." Deena instantly reassures him. "Seriously, we were talkin' about it and everything. She's just really mad that you didn't tell her. She feels like you had opportunities to, but instead you just kinda...led her on. She thinks if it hadn't been for this bullshit with Mike, you wouldn't have said anything at all."

Vinny can't even argue with that. He knows she's right. He should have said something, especially to her. He should have told her before this whole mess. It's not as if she would have taken it badly. Sure, she may have been hurt, but it would have been nothing compared to where they are now, not even speaking. Vinny hates himself for waiting so long. What he hates even more, however, is the fact that they'll never even have a chance to see how she would have taken it otherwise. Mike took that from him, too. He curses, pushing himself up off the couch.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." he tosses over his shoulder as he strides down the hall.

The moment he's in the bathroom, he locks the door behind him, knows Pauly is going to try and follow him. It turns his stomach to do it, never having denied the older before, but he can't not do it, either. He needs to be alone right now, and it's the only way he can ensure that he will be. For what feels like the thousandth time this week, he takes the hottest shower he possibly can. As he scrubs roughly at his skin, he hopes once more that maybe, if he can wash off the feeling of Mike's hands, this whole mess will go away, too.

**III**

Sure enough, when Pauly inevitably tries the bathroom door, he finds it locked. He drops his forehead against it, listens for some indication that the younger is still okay on the other side. He's disgusted at how relieved he is when he hears movement, never thought he'd sink to this level of distrust. A huge part of him knows that Vinny would never harm himself like that, especially not here. But, the tiny voice in the back of his head reminds him that they're in completely unfamiliar territory, and he can't help but be worried. For the first time, it really begins to sink in just how different everything is now, how foreign. Still, he's determined for Vinny's sake (and his own, a little bit) to make everything feel as normal as possible. He figures he can start by making Sunday dinner, so he pushes himself off the door and heads toward the kitchen.

Once Deena realizes what the DJ is doing, she trots into the kitchen as well, washing her hands and setting to work helping him prepare the meal. Everything is running smoothly, all the food being cooked while Deena and Pauly laugh about anything they can think of. Jenni even ventures forth from the Smush Room, Roger trailing behind her. After Roger pulls Pauly into a one armed hug, thanking him for beating Mike's ass, he and Jenni begin setting up the table and helping to finish up dinner and dessert. Things are going so well, in fact, that Pauly can almost convince himself that nothing is wrong after all. Of course, right as they're all finally in a good mood, Sam and Ron come home from work. The guidette is all smiles when she walks in the door, but the instant she sets eyes on Pauly, her expression morphs into a grimace.

"Hell no," she says angrily, pointing at the DJ even as she glares at Ron, "I am not eating Sunday dinner with that fucking pervert."

"Oh, come on, Samantha. That's real mature." Jenni calls out, hands on her hips as she shoots a condescending look the other girl's way.

"You stay out of this." Sam barks back at her. Then, she's turning on her heel, heading back toward the door. "Come on, Ron. Let's go eat someplace else."

For a moment, Ron actually looks as if he's going to stay, deny Sam's wishes for once in a long time. But once she says his name again, he drops his head, turning to follow her.

"Ron! Seriously?" Jenni asks, completely shocked by their friend's actions.

"Yea, Ronnie, you don't have to do this." Roger tries, and Ron stops once more. It's only for a second, though, before he's following Sam right back out the way they came in.

The room falls completely silent, and suddenly Pauly realizes that the shower has stopped running. He holds up a single finger to the group before heading down the hall.

"Wow. I cannot believe that just happened. She is such a cunt sometimes." he hears Jenni say behind him, and Roger reprimands her for her language. It's not as if they don't all agree, though, even if it is harsh.

Sure enough, Pauly sees, Vinny is out of the bathroom completely. The younger has made his way back to their bedroom, the door shut tight behind him. Pauly takes a deep breath before walking in, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever he could run into on the other side. It's nothing too extreme (thankfully, he thinks), just Vinny laying on the bed, back to the door. He's already dressed for bed, stripped down to just his boxers and one of Pauly's gently worn shirts that he's taken to wearing since they got back from Italy. It makes Pauly frown, walking over quietly and dropping down behind his boyfriend on the bed. He runs a careful hand down Vinny's side, and the younger lets out a soft sigh.

"What is it?" Vinny questions, voice quiet.

"We made Sunday dinner, if you want to come eat." Pauly replies, still petting his lover softly.

Vinny just shakes his head.

"I'm okay. I...I just want to go to bed, okay?" Vinny says, not even looking at the older. Pauly frowns even deeper.

"Are you sure? It's still pretty early and you haven't really eaten much today-" the DJ tries to explain to his boyfriend. Vinny rolls over roughly to face him, interrupting him sharply.

"I said I'm fine." he almost snaps.

Suddenly, his eyes grow wide in the same instant Pauly's do, as if he's realized what's happened. He sits up a bit, looks Pauly in the eyes with a much softer expression.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I'm just really tired, and pretty stressed out, and I just really want to go ahead and go to sleep. I'm sorry." Vinny repeats, and Pauly takes his face in his hands.

"No, I'm sorry. It's fine. I'll save you a plate, though, alright?" the DJ offers, and Vinny nods, agreeing with him softly and thanking him. "No problem. I'll be in here in a little while, okay?"

Vinny nods once more, and Pauly leans in, presses a tender kiss to his lips. He makes sure Vinny is listening carefully to him before he says the next part.

"I love you, Vin. No matter what happens."

"I love you, too." Vinny whispers.

Then, he lays back down, lets Pauly pull the covers up over him. They exchange quiet "buananotte"'s before Pauly slips back out of the room, closes the door behind him. As he heads back down the hall to a very small, very broken Sunday dinner, he almost feels as if he's going to be unable to eat. For the first time, he finds himself starting to think that maybe, this wound might be more than he can mend. And the Shore house might not be the best place to try.


	7. Radioactive

**Chapter:** 7: Radioactive

**Author's Note:** Holy shit, I'm not dead! No, I've just been busy, and broke, and had laptop problems, and health problems, and writer's block problems in general, but no matter, because I'm back! I'm really not as pleased with this chapter as I'd like to be, but it's really a necessary chapter for the smaller bits and pieces strewn about here and there. Hopefully you all enjoy. =) So sorry for the wait!

_~I'm waking up to ash and dust  
>I wipe my brow, and I sweat my rust<br>I'm breathing in the chemicals._

_I'm breaking in, shaping up,  
>Then checking out on the prison bus.<br>This is it._

_Whoa, I'm radioactive.~_

Vinny wakes in a panic once again, eyes snapping open wide as he tries desperately to inhale. He almost whines as he grabs at his chest, as if attempting to _will_ the air back into his lungs. _Breathe, dammit!_, he thinks, a sense of extreme alarm washing over him. He squeezes his eyes shut tight again, forces himself as best he can to just _calm down_. He thinks of every happy thing he possibly can (fun days on the boardwalk, his mom's lasagna, his _bed_, at _home_, _Pauly_...) and just concentrates, thinks, _please_. It feels like several long, agonizing minutes before it works and he feels the _whoosh_ of air fill his lungs, but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds, for he only coughs a few times before he's breathing normally again, spots fading from his vision faster than they usually do. Once again, he can't remember what he'd been dreaming about that had caused him to awaken so viciously, but a huge part of him is okay with this realization (thinks for a moment to himself that maybe he's getting past this, if only the slightest bit). Suddenly, Pauly's familiar hand on his back interrupts his thoughts, bringing him back to reality in the most comfortable way possible.

"You alright, babe?" the DJ asks, voice still full of sleep. He rubs soothing circles into the younger's back, trying to keep him breathing.

Vinny nods, relaxing the slightest bit under Pauly's touch. Still, he can't manage to stop shaking, heart still pounding in his chest as if he'd been sprinting for miles despite how hard he tries to even it out. When he meets Pauly's eyes, they're full of concern.

"You don't look okay." the older says slowly, trying to pull Vinny closer, comfort him further.

Vinny pulls away entirely instead, extracting himself from the bed.

"Well, I am." he replies as carefully as he can, trying desperately to keep his voice even, calm. He doesn't know why he suddenly feels so _fucking irritable_, but it's almost making his skin crawl, it's affecting him so badly. He needs to _get out_, he thinks, fast. He squints as he looks through the darkness around the room, finally spotting his shoes by the foot of the bed. He turns back to his lover, who is now sitting up with a face full of apprehension. He tries to offer Pauly a confident smile, hopes it comes out right, but he's pretty sure it doesn't. "I'm just gonna go for a run, okay?"

"Alright. Well, let me get up real quick. I'll come wi-" the DJ begins, but Vinny cuts him off before he even has one foot off the bed.

"No, thanks."

Time seems to freeze as Pauly turns wide eyes quickly to his boyfriend. Vinny amends it swiftly, has to get that _look_ off Pauly's face.

"I mean, I'll be fine on my own, thanks." he tries, hoping that the false smile is still somehow on his face. The way Pauly's staring at him now, though, he's pretty sure the older can see right through it. He lets out a soft sigh. "Look, I just need to clear my head, alright?"

Vinny hates the way it seems to take everything in Pauly to relent, pull his feet back under the covers. After all, it's not as if he _wants_ to reject his boyfriend's affections. It makes him feel just as awful that the comfort Pauly normally provides for him seems to be dwindling. It's becoming more and more foreign by the day to the point of almost making him _un_comfortable, and Vinny is beginning to hate himself for it (_almost more than he hates Mike_, a voice in the back of his brain reminds him sometimes, but he ignores this, too).

"Alright." Pauly mutters as he lays back down. "Be safe, though, okay?"

And Vinny knows it's supposed to be a nice sentiment, something they've said to each other a thousand times before without so much as a second thought, but now, for some reason, it turns his stomach, almost like it's an insult (he hates this, too). He nods stiffly, finishes tugging on his shorts and shoes.

"Yea." he says. Then, almost as an afterthought, "Love you."

He doesn't wait for Pauly to return the phrase before he slips out the door.

**III**

Once Vinny gets outside, he puts his hood up, and he runs. He's not sure where he's going, and it's still dark out, so his options are kind of limited for the moment, but he doesn't care. He simply zones out, focuses on a point ahead of him, and just _runs_. He runs for miles, runs for _hours_. He runs until his chest hurts and his feet ache, but he ignores it, running on. He runs all the way until the sun comes up and stays up for a few hours before he finally stops, finding a gas station and collapsing on the bench outside. Looking out across the parking lot at the sun shining in the distance, he struggles for the second time today to catch his breath. He can't believe he's made it so far out from the house. He's not even sure where he's at, he realizes with a quick glance around. He scrubs his hands over his face a few times, tries to stifle the thoughts of, _what an idiot_. He doesn't have time for that shit right now. He draws in a deep, shaky breath, standing up and making his way inside. He does the only thing he can think of and uses the clerk's phone to call a cab, rattle off the unfamiliar address. Then, he heads back outside to wait.

The entire ride back, Vinny can't help but note the complete unfamiliarity of the sights around him. It troubles him. He's gone running as a means of relaxation and meditation for years, but he can't remember the last time he'd zoned out so hard he'd lost track of where he was. He'd even managed to completely lose track of time, he realizes with a glance at the clock in the cab.

"Is that the right time?" he questions hurriedly, shock etching its way onto his face.

"Yes, sir." the driver replies. "10:42."

Vinny slumps back against the seat, a _whoosh_ of air leaving his lungs rather quickly once more. Pauly's probably worried sick, he thinks. _ And maybe he should be_, the voice in the back of his mind reminds him. _Maybe you're not as okay as you'd like to think._ Vinny shakes his head roughly, tries to clear his head of the thoughts. He's going to be just fine, he convinces himself as best he can. He tries to focus on this thought pattern as he enters the house once the cab arrives, but he still finds himself holding his breath as he looks around for Pauly. Thankfully, the older doesn't have an opportunity to freak out on Vinny immediately when their eyes meet, but _un_fortunately, it's because he's on the phone. Pauly offers him a light smile, but reaches out to softly grab the younger's arm when Vinny tries to slip past him, go for a quick shower. Instead, Pauly holds up a finger, cradling the phone against his shoulder, his eyes never leaving his lover's.

"Yea, I know. It all just happened real fast...But we'll talk to you about all that later, okay? Yea, Vinny just walked in, so we'll be there in, like, an hour. Alright, see you soon. Bye." Pauly finishes up his phone call, hanging the duck phone back up and pulling Vinny close in one swift movement. He drapes his arms around the younger's neck, whispering with something akin to relief hidden in his tone, "You sure were gone a long time, Vin. I was worried."

"I know. I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to be out so long." Vinny replies quietly, holding his lover close as well with arms slung loosely around Pauly's waist. He mutters, "I'm not really sure where I went."

Pauly leans back and meets his eyes with a puzzled expression.

"What do you-" the DJ tries, but Vinny cuts him off for the second time this morning.

"Who was on the phone?"

Pauly holds Vinny's gaze with a serious look, one that says he's not about to let things go this time. Vinny just holds his breath. After a long moment, however, Pauly responds with a quiet, "That was Danny. He says he needs to talk to me about, uh. What happened."

Vinny nods, glancing away with something like guilt in his eyes.

"I, uh. I suppose he wants to talk to me about it, too?" Vinny questions softly.

Pauly attempts to rub the younger's back the way he always does, tries to soothe him the slightest bit. It doesn't work as well this time, especially when his lover replies in the affirmative.

"Yea. He just wants to know what all happened." Pauly explains as delicately as he can. He pauses for a beat, and then, it's as if he can't hold the frustration in any longer, for he lets out a slow sigh. "Apparently, Mike wants to press some kind of charges, but he can't do that if he can't build a case, so...Danny just wants to talk to us both. As soon as possible."

It's a lot to take in, and it takes a moment for Vinny to process everything, but once he does, he can't do anything but nod. He got Pauly into this mess, after all. The least he can do is explain enough to get him out of it.

"Alright. Want to head over there now, then?" he asks, an almost hollow sound in his voice that shakes Pauly to the core. He's _never_ heard his lover like this. Still, Pauly appeases him.

"If...you want to?" Pauly prods, hoping the younger will reconsider. It's more than evident how overstressed Vinny has been over the whole thing. The last thing he wants to do is push his lover into even more pain. But, Vinny just nods, evidently content to hold things in a little bit longer.

"Yea, that's fine. Let me just go change clothes and we'll head that way." Vinny replies, pulling out of Pauly's arms and heading toward their bedroom.

Pauly hates that, worried or not, he has no other choice but to just let the boy go. It makes him ache just how much it's beginning to look as though he just doesn't have the tools to fix him.

**III**

"What. The. Fuck." Danny somehow manages, staring the two of them with an absolutely astounded expression from where he sits across the table in the breakroom of the T-shirt shop. He turns to Vinny first. "And these last few weeks you've just been working and living with him like nothing happened? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"What would you have said?" Vinny fires back.

Danny falls silent, almost ashamed. After a moment, though, he clears his throat, meets both of their gazes again.

"Well, regardless, Mike was talking about pressing charges, and technically, I guess he could, since he didn't actually ever touch you, Pauly." the homeowner says almost matter-of-factly. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. "You could do time for this, kid."

Pauly nods slowly, hands folded and propped in front of his mouth. Vinny can see the nerves etched on his face. They've been there a lot lately, he thinks. He knows his lover is worried, and with good reason. There could really be trouble here for Pauly, and all just for defending him. Vinny wonders what answer there could possibly be. Suddenly, it's as if Danny is reading his mind, because he clears his throat to grab their attention once more, and begin speaking again, albeit slower.

"I mean, unless he becomes aware that you can and will press charges as well, Vinny. I would imagine the ones from you would be much worse, and much more slanderous than the ones he could try to approach with." the other man reasons, looking directly into Vinny's eyes. It almost unnerves the younger, makes him swallow thickly. It's his turn to nod now, though, and he does, even as he feels his stomach begin to turn ever so slightly at the thought.

"I'll think about it." he responds quietly, voice laden with emotion.

"Think about it? Vinny, Pauly could be in a whole lot of trouble here-" Danny tries, but this time, it's Pauly who interrupts.

"He said he'll think about it, Danny. If I have to be a man and own up to what I did, then I will. It's not his responsibility to protect me." the DJ says sternly, draping an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. "He can press charges if he wants."

Danny lets out an almost angry sigh. It's enough to make Vinny flinch, albeit minutely.

"Alright, whatever. Do what you want." Danny concedes defeat, almost visibly having to fight the urge to throw his hands up in desperation. He does try again to reason with the boy, "But I want you to keep in mind, Vinny, these are very serious charges you have the power to press against him. This isn't something Mike needs to get away with. If he thinks it's fine this time, he'll think it's fine again. You don't want that, right?"

Pauly pushes his chair back, standing up quickly.

"Danny, seriously. He said he'll think about it, and he will. He's going through enough right now. Lay off, okay?" Pauly snaps, startling all three of them. Even more surprising to Pauly, however, is the thin-lipped sigh that slips from his lover's lips at his outburst. He shoots a sheepish look Vinny's way, but the boy almost seems to refuse to meet his gaze.

"Well, regardless of what you decide, he's not allowed back on my property. I'm not about to run the risk of anything else happening, so he's not coming back. Period." Danny explains, and the boys let out a collective sigh of relief. He continues, "Someone's going to need to gather his things and take them to him, though. I don't care who. The house can decide that."

Finally, the homeowner turns back to Vinny, sympathy painted across his features. "Vinny, I'm really, really sorry all this has happened. The last person who deserves something like this is you, and I couldn't be more apologetic. I hope things get better and you can heal, and move on from all this."

It takes a lot of self-restraint for Vinny to keep his emotions in check at this statement. He wants to lash out, punch the false understanding off the older man's face, tell him how much he doesn't give a single _shit_ about another fucking apology, especially when it doesn't _mean_ anything... But instead, he bites his tongue and nods, standing up almost as swiftly as Pauly had earlier.

"Thanks." he mutters simply, before ducking out the door of the office.

Pauly stares after him wide-eyed, unable to find words. After a moment, he mutters his thanks to Danny as well and hurries out the door. Jogging to catch up to his boyfriend, Pauly calls for Vinny to wait up, but it's as if the kid is blatantly ignoring him now. He catches the younger before he has a chance to reach the stairs leading up to the door of the house, finally stopping him with a gentle hand on his bicep. Vinny whirls around, however, as if the DJ has actually struck him, eyes slightly wider with a mix of something between fear and anger in them. Pauly takes a quick step back before speaking, but doesn't let go of his lover's arm.

"Vinny, what's up? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Vinny doesn't respond, however, not even meeting the older's eyes. Pauly lets out a breath, pulling the boy close and almost forcing the younger to look at him. "Look, I know you're not okay. You don't have to fake it for me. I just...I wish you'd _talk_ to me about what you're actually going through. Open up to me a little bit, y'know?"

And part of Vinny wishes he could just fulfill Pauly's wishes, really open up to him and tell his lover exactly what's on his mind. But, he can't, has no idea where he'd even begin. Pauly doesn't deserve any of this pain, he thinks. So instead, he just remains silent, once again, choking it back some more. Pauly, however, completely unaware, trudges on.

"I can't help you if I don't know anything." the DJ says, and suddenly, and it's like Pauly has said the magic word, because Vinny does open up. He snaps.

"Maybe I don't want your help! This is too much for you, Pauly! You have _no idea_ what I'm going through, and I could explain it until I'm blue in the fucking face and you _just won't get it!_ _None_ of you will! There's not a single thing any of you here could say to me to make _anything_ even_ remotely_ better, because you don't fucking understand!" Vinny half-screams, uncaring now of who hears him, sees him. He tries to take a steadying breath before continuing, because he at least realizes how hysterical he seems right now (and he most certainly is _not_ hysterical over this, dammit). It keeps pouring out, shouts aimed directly at his boyfriend, shouts laced with a shred of the emotion he's been fighting to keep in all this time. "And you shouldn't have to! I don't _want_ to burden you with all this, trust me! _No one_ should know what this is like! But I do, and I have to deal with it, and I am _sick to death_ of everyone trying to _help_ me with it! Because you just, you _can't_, okay? So please, seriously, just _stop_."

By the time the younger is finished, he's deflated and ashamed, and he can't think of anything else to do but turn back around and head for the door. It takes long enough for all of this to fully hit Pauly for Vinny to make it halfway up the stairs, but then, the older is right behind him, step for step.

"Vinny, wait! What the hell are you _talking_ abo-" the DJ tries (_so close_, he thinks, reaches out to grab Vinny's shoulder), but the second he gets into the house, Jenni stops him.

"Hey, Pauly! I'm glad you're here! You just missed a call from the health clinic. They've got your test results." she tells him. He moves to walk around her, follow his boyfriend, but the tell-tale slam of the bedroom door makes him stop, let out a breath of defeat. Mentally, he curses. Jenni questions, "What's up with him?"

"Nevermind. I'll call them back real quick." Pauly replies. _As if I have anything better to do_, he thinks, picking up the duck phone.

In the other room, Vinny leans against the door and tries to catch his breath. When he doesn't hear Pauly coming after him, he relaxes a bit, collapsing on the bed. He scrubs his hands over his face, breathing in as deep as he possibly can. It doesn't help ease the panic that's still swelling up in his lungs, his head. He can't believe he's at this point, lashing out at Pauly, even. He _loves_ Pauly, wishes that the older _could_ help him, somehow. The last thing he wants to do is burden the person he loves the most with this kind of thing, though. He can't imagine the kind of pain he would cause the older if he actually opened up, told him _everything_ that's been on his mind. No, he can't do something like that, he thinks. The thought is solidified when Pauly comes rushing in later, too-wide smile on his face as he tells Vinny with great relief that things are okay, because he's not sick. A huge part of Vinny really is relieved, because he loves Pauly with everything in him, and he knows he would have been devastated if the older had been sick. But a tiny part can't help but resent Pauly just a little bit, because he had _almost_ not been alone in all this. This thought turns his stomach more than talking with Danny had earlier, and he hugs Pauly even closer in the older's joy, kisses him a little harder in his relief. And for the first time, he starts to think that maybe he needs to get away from the Shore house for a little while.

**III**

They're laying on Vinny's bed later on when Pauly tries to start the inevitable conversation about the younger's outburst.

"So, Vin, about what you were sayin'-"

And for the third time that day, Vinny interrupts him, pushing himself away from the DJ's grasp and actually talking over him.

"I'm gonna go take a shower. I smell, right?" Vinny says loudly, even going as far as to smile jokingly, wrinkle his nose. He watches Pauly grit his teeth, as if it's an actual struggle to not say anything. The older just nods stiffly.

Vinny feels outright shame wash over himself as he grabs his towel and ducks out of the room. He can't believe he's avoiding this, with _Pauly_ of all people. He's never had problems talking with Pauly, about _anything_, from gross habits to dark secrets and beyond. He'd even somehow managed to tell his lover about the..._incident_ with Mike, and its repercussions. But discussing how he _feels_ about it? That's another matter entirely. He can't even think about it by himself, locked away in the bathroom under the once more too-hot spray of the shower. Instead, he focuses on a solution to the problem. But if he can't talk to Pauly, he thinks, what other option is there but to seek help...elsewhere? Outside of the Shore house, far away from the Shore in its entirety. He lets out a sigh. It really is the only choice. And it's not as if he doesn't kind of want it in a way, anyway, had the thought in mind for a while, really. He just really does hate the thought of leaving Pauly, leaving his friends, even. They've been his support system through so many other things. Why aren't they good enough for this?, he thinks sadly.

Regardless of the why, however, he needs to think about the where. Where to go? Certainly he's not going to go home, tell his _mother_ what happened. His stomach turns once again, and this time he has to actually swallow his emotion. Nope, not going home, he thinks, shakes his head, even. He'll figure something out, he decides, maybe talk to Pauly about it. He's going to have to tell him about the decision to leave, and soon. The sooner he fills his lover in, the sooner he can just _get out_, get _over_ this fucking thing. As content as he can get, he turns off the shower and steps out.

By the time he's dried himself off and made it back to the bedroom, Pauly has headed into the kitchen to help prep dinner. Vinny takes full advantage of the time to stall, getting some of his things together in the most discreet ways possible before simply collapsing onto the bed and dozing off. He's just begun to dream when his boyfriend is shaking him lightly, waking him up to the pleasant smell of dinner drifting in from the other room. He returns the DJ's smile with a genuine one of his own for the first time all day, albeit a soft one, and Pauly's face visibly relaxes.

"Morning, sunshine." Pauly mutters, dipping his head low to drop a kiss on Vinny's lips. The boy return it as well, and Pauly relaxes more. He mutters against the younger's lips, "Dinner's ready."

"I can tell that." Vinny replies, pulling back with the same soft smile. "You can go on ahead. I'll be in there in a minute."

The DJ moves to obey, standing from the bed with a nod, but he shoots Vinny a look before he gets too far.

"I promise." the younger responds, smile widening the slightest bit.

Pauly just nods, heads back out the door with a mutter of, "See you in a few."

Vinny does almost nod back off, though, and when he does finally make his way out of the bedroom, he hears loud, angry voices coming from the kitchen.

"I just don't want to see it, Ron! It's _disgusting_! Don't you think it's disgusting?" Sam's shrill voice rings out, then, "It's not right."

"No, Sam, I don't think it's disgusting. Would you just chill the fuck out about this?" Ron responds, and Vinny allows himself the slightest bit of hope.

"Well, I mean it, Ron. I'm dead fucking serious. I'm fucking out of here." Sam snaps, and there's a loud _slam_ as Ron, or _someone_ slaps the counter.

It probably was Ron, though, Vinny thinks, as the other man screams, "Dammit, Sam! This is getting totally out of hand! You're not fucking leaving over this. That's fucking immature, and you're not doing it."

"Don't tell me what to do! I told you, I'm _done_ with this shit! And if you don't come with me, then I'm done with you, too." Sam replies, and Vinny knows instantly what he has to do.

It's completely the wrong time, and he wishes he could have told Pauly first, by himself, but for _another fucking time_, he doesn't have a single choice in the matter. He won't let Ron lose Sam over him. When he steps into the kitchen, he doesn't even have to say anything for all eyes to be on him. And, of course, all of his housemates are present, Pauly even standing as if to make his way over to him, and he thinks, it's now or never. He turns to Sam.

"You don't have to threaten him like that, Sam, seriously. You don't even have to be the one to go anywhere." He takes a deep breath, shoots Pauly a look before continuing. "Because I'm leaving."


End file.
